To all the parents prohibiting their adolescent child to date, do you realise that you are merely stalling your child’s social growth and development?

We are told that high school is one of the most important phases of a person’s life, and for many, it serves as the stepping stone between the realm of youth and dependency into the world of adulthood and independence. It is here where teenagers learn and develop the skills, attitudes, and mindset that prepare them for the future. It is here where we are encouraged to actively explore and practice new experiences and skills.

So why then are some teenagers being denied the opportunity to date, and to grow both socially and maturely, by their parents?

In a survey conducted by the Atlantis Press in 2019, it was revealed that 92.7% of parents either discouraged or forbid their child to have a romantic relationship.

Countless teenagers of all backgrounds, myself included, can relate to this statement. Many adolescents have faced this age-old regulation by our parents, whether it be restricting us to a specific age to date, or simply “no dating until you’ve graduated high school”. Many of us have come to perceive these policies as groundless and unreasonable. Surely these are restrictions conjured up by spiteful parents, simply intended to make us suffer?

James Baldwin, an influential American writer, writes in his article A Talk to Teachers: “Children, not yet aware that it is dangerous to look too deeply at anything, look at everything, look at each other, and draw their own conclusions.” Baldwin states here that children, or students, will be too easily carried away and invested by the things and people around them. Baldwin, and seemingly most parents, believe that dating only serves to distract their children from their priorities, academic or otherwise. In the same survey from the Atlantis Press, one reason given by the 92.7% of parents that prohibited their child to date was that dating would be ‘disrupting the concentration for study’.

Although this way of thinking may have been accurate in the past, is it still relevant to the current generation of teens?

In the past decade, many researchers, through polls and studies, have found evidence that contradicts the stereotypical picture of a ‘lovesick student who puts dating above reality.' In a survey conducted by ed-tech company StudyMode, 26%, one-quarter of the sample population, said they ‘believe that dating negatively impacts their grades.’

StudyMode CEO Blaine Vess states: “Our findings show that today’s students put a high value on education, and they’re prioritizing their educational goals above matters of the heart.”

Evidently, students are prioritising their academics over their romantic lives. So, is there really a reason why parents should be discouraging their teenage children from dating?

If we were to compare the realistic pros and cons of adolescent dating, one would find that the former vastly outweighs the latter. This fact is widely acknowledged, even by the Australian government. In a report conducted by the AIHW (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare), it is stated: ‘Developing an intimate relationship is an important development stage during late adolescence and early adulthood.’

The experience of dating itself may be the greatest benefit a child may receive from dating. The dating world can introduce both parties to a completely new realm of feelings, places, and activities. It is during this time that teenagers receive the opportunity to learn about romantic relationships firsthand, rather than what they have seen in movies or the internet. It is here where adolescents have the opportunity to explore their interests and what they like in a person.

In the same report conducted by the AIHW, it is stated: ‘Adolescent romantic experiences can also play an important role in the development of future romantic and marital relationships.’

Teenagers will need to learn how to ‘put themselves out there’ by expressing their romantic interest to someone else, risking rejection, figuring out how to be a dating partner, and what exactly that means. Teenagers will be pushed to learn new skills in the realms of communication, thoughtfulness, caring, intimacy, and independence, and how to apply said skills with their significant someone. Teenagers will also inevitably make mistakes but will also learn and grow from them as well.  

Ultimately, the benefits and drawbacks of dating are subjective. Some people would benefit from spending time with their significant other, while others may be burdened by their relationship and suffer from it. I firmly believe that the effects and consequences of a romantic relationship can be controlled by the people engaging in it, and, speaking from personal experience, if couples are mature and able to find a way to balance their passions, activities, love life, and academics, high school relationships can be beneficial to any teen’s development. Dating shouldn’t be such a taboo subject between child and parent but instead, be openly embraced for discussion.

Parents, don’t thwart social growth and development of your child. Don’t take away the great learning experience that is dating. Instead, guide and advise your child into this exciting, foreign world. Please.