Have you heard about those friendships that turn sour because one person was bold enough to confess to the other one their romantic feelings? I had, and I was sure that it would never happen to me, nor would I allow it to happen to me. Well, I was right partially.
I had been gone from home for 6 months and was becoming acquainted with other teens from the local area. One person became my neighbor and more than that a friend I relied on and would invite to all of my outings. I also worked with my friend and we enjoyed simple things together like singing or eating ice-cream. I tried helping him out with his English and he furrowed his brows in concentration. Days and weeks went by, where we both enjoyed of our company and great friendship. He dropped a hint one day about how pretty I was and I was not sure if I was being vain or indeed he was serious. I bluffed it off and didn't expect more on the topic since this had never happened before. He said such sweet things countless times and I would smile and thank him. Truth be told, he became like a bee roving around me for a taste of my honey. I laugh at my description of him, but it was close enough but maybe not that extreme. He did ask me a lot of questions about my thoughts and emotions. He tried to read who I was and breathe me in, take me in through every blink. It was something I had never experienced before and I thought it was cute, but in reality it was wonderful to be the girl that was in a guys dream. I should have stopped it more firmly back then. I didn't want to end my friendship with him, but I also didn't want to go further. Should I have rejected him completely? Or accepted this delightful young man? I decided to talk to him honestly and explain my clear reasons as to why at the moment I didn't feel ready to pursue a serious relationship. We also both had to grow more and learn about life. I thought we ended on good terms the week I flew back home. I thought I would still be able to email him every week. I thought I could call him every month or so to catch up with recent news. I thought wrong. It hurt him to see me go, more than it hurt me to leave. It hurt him to talk to me and see me get back to my normal life and routine. It hurt him to see my photos with my best friend back home. It hurt him to not have me stay with him as his one love. It hurt me to see him hurt. It hurt to hear him tell me he couldn't continue this friendship as "friends only." It hurt and still hurts.
So, it turns out I did experience a friendship breaking because of ones feelings, but I was the one to cause the rift. I feel like I'm in mourning over him because although he is still alive, I can't reach out to him, I can't talk to him like I normally did. Has this happened to you? Am I just another case of a girl growing up and learning how to handle guys? I hope I learn from this. I'm backing away and steering clear from becoming too involved with the male species for a while now.
SIGH.