How to be an Influencer | Teen Ink

How to be an Influencer

January 28, 2020
By SebasLeg0 BRONZE, Eagle Pass, Texas
SebasLeg0 BRONZE, Eagle Pass, Texas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Being an influencer can be an incredibly gratifying experience. If you believe the opposite, just imagine yourself surrounded by money and fame. You can do whatever you please without facing consequences. For example, you have Logan Paul. An influencer that showed a dead body on one of his videos, and got away with it. Think of all of the horrible things you can get away with being an influencer. If you want your life to be like this, just keep reading. Because following these steps will ensure you become an influencer followed by many.

Since you really want to become an influencer, here is the first step you need to follow in order to become one. This first step to becoming an influencer is to have the style of one. You need to be extra superficial, and follow every beauty standard imposed by society. You can start forgetting about being an influencer if you are not a young, skinny, and physically attractive person. Because “ugly people” are not valued by society as much as physically attractive people. If you meet the standards mentioned above, you can proceed to the next part of this step. This part requires you to spend an excessive amount of time converting your skunk-like hair to one resembling that of a french poodle. For this, you will have to sneak to your grandma’s house and take some aloe vera from her garden. Or, the alternative is going to your local supermarket and buying the most expensive, chemical-filled products for your hair. Next, you will have to ask your mom and dad to buy you trendy clothing. Trendy clothing can come from your local goodwill, up to the high-end sections at Victoria's Secret. Just remember that you have to be like the Kardashian family, so do not wear the same thing twice. Make sure that your parents do not get angry if they see you burning down your clothes after one time of usage.

Now that you have an unoriginal style, the second step is acting rude and condescending to other people. This step will come much easier if you already know how to act like a spoiled brat. Believing that you are superior to everybody else is a crucial part of becoming an influencer. If you don’t know exactly what to do, you can follow this example. Go to a local restaurant and bother the cashier. You can start by ordering something and when you receive it, tell the manager that the order is wrong. Who cares about the cashier? Who cares if he gets fired? Who cares if he is an important source of income in his house? You showed who’s the boss in the situation. Next part of this step is being incredibly loud and obnoxious. You can achieve this in different ways. For example, you can go to a church and yell at the top of your lungs in the middle of mass. There are different ways to be irritating. You are encouraged to find the most annoying one!

After mastering the art of being rude, you will finally reach the last step. This final step is creating your trashy content. You might be scared because you do not possess any talent, but just relax because you don’t need any! The best platforms to become an influencer are Instagram and TikTok. If you want to be an instagram influencer, record all the obnoxious things you do in public. Go and get some attention at the drive-thru of a restaurant by spraying the cashier with cheese, or pull down the pants of a guy in front of his partner. Whatever you choose to do is okay. It will make your twelve-year old, impressionable audience laugh. This will increase your views, so the video will make you more money.  On the other hand, you can also become a TikTok influencer. This will not make you as much money as Instagram, but it's easier than being an influencer from that platform. Just download the TikTok app and lip sync the most vulgar song you’ve ever heard while showing your non-existent abs. Whichever platform you choose, you can become a successful influencer without having any talent or charisma.

In conclusion, not everyone can become an influencer. Because being physically attractive is the most important personality trait you’ll ever have as an influencer. If you are already attractive, be rude and create trashy content for any social media. Do not think of the consequences which can negatively affect children that follow you. You will have followers and money, and that is the most important thing in the world for a superficial person. It is the most important thing for a person like the one you want to become.

The author's comments:

A step-analysis essay that I wrote for my Dual Credit English class, my teacher really liked it.

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