The word “America” has a huge stigma across the globe, especially in Asia. My Indian grandparents tend to see Americans as loud, rambunctious, and shameless. They are scared to send their children here in the fear of becoming like them and forgetting tradition. But being part of the first-generation Americans in our family, I realize that there is more than meets the eye. America is a nation of free will and equal opportunity. It is a nation of hope and improvement. It is a nation of unity and acceptance. And not only does America have these values for its country, but it holds them for the family as well. And as strange as this may sound, we Indian-Americans need to learn from our fellow citizens and implement their beliefs into our own culture if we want to be unified as a family. We need to open our eyes to the injustice we serve one another and help each other grow to our full potential.

One major flaw of Indian parents is that they neglect their children’s opinions and do not take them seriously, repressing their individuality and full potential. The respect for parents and submission of their children is highly emphasized in the Indian culture. Therefore, the parents are practically in control of the child’s life, molding him or her until they are “perfect”. This, however, stops them from finding their own voice and becoming the best version of themselves. No matter how many times my parents tried to convince my sister to become a doctor, they let her pursue her passion of teaching history. Every time she tells me about something she learned or her experience in a classroom, I always hear the excitement and animation in her voice. She’s going to make an amazing teacher one day, thanks to my parents’ support. By allowing your children to pursue their passions, they can proudly say in the future that you were the ones who helped them become who they, themselves have chosen to be.

Indian parents also tend to push their children away, stifling emotional connection and restricting their capability of love. My mother grew up with Indian parents, and even though she hugs her mother as a greeting, she recalls the lack of involvement my grandparents had in her and her siblings’ lives. She says she doesn’t even remember the last time she hugged her father. They’ve never said “I love you” to each other. Thankfully, things are more emotional between her and I, but for her, the transition wasn’t easy. She did not know a child was supposed to be loved like that until she’d see the interactions between parents and their children on American TV shows after moving here. So after learning that, she’d force herself to hug us and say she loved us. Eventually, these acts of affection became a second nature and led us to become much closer on an emotional level. Now, I am able to open up to my friends and form close connections outside my family. Unfortunately, however, my sister and I have not been able to form that same connection with my dad. We continue to be a little stoic in our emotions, but it creates a type of formality that halts us from being open with each other. I remember one day after school in kindergarten, I watched a girl in my class kiss her father on the cheek. Sadly enough, the open compassion between the father and daughter looked strange to me. And even after all these years, there’s a stigma blocking me from reaching my father on a closer level. I hope that at least one day, I’ll be able to tell him I love him. By breaking the emotional barrier between parent and child, we can become closer as a family and build strong relationships in the future.

In regards to marriage, the Indian culture recognizes the husband to be the decision-maker and leader of the marriage, while the wife simply does what she is told, cutting off the possibility of communication. Similar to older times, divorce is deemed as the very last resort, to the point where your life is at risk. Consequently, more Indians tend to stay in their marriages and decide to cope through their problems. But for many of them, one of their coping methods is not communication. It’s more just backbiting about their partner or not speaking to him or her at all. My grandparents, for example, have been married for almost 60 years. While in America it seems like a good thing, it’s really not all sweet and happy. Unfortunately, my grandparents are constantly tired of each other and are always finding the faults in one another. When they argue, it ends up being pointless shouting, and they are right back where the problem started, the anger fading away until it bubbles up to the surface once again. Even within my parents’ own marriage, there is a terrible lack of communication, but it is one-sided. If my mother tries to address a problem to my father, he either stays silent or cuts her off to give his own opinion. It is rarely ever that he changes his view on a subject matter. This is the thinking that India has allowed men to have and never stopped them from having it. On the other hand, in my human relations class I started taking this year, we learned that proper communication can help preserve and maintain a healthy relationship while also forming the ability to compromise. Marriage is perhaps the longest relationship you may have with another person; wouldn’t you want it to be a happy one? That is why it is so important to put in the effort of listening to your partner’s problems and working together to find a solution that fits both of your views. Marriage should be a partnership, in which both people work together towards the same goal. By implementing the unifying American values of a marriage, we can greatly improve our marital relationships as well as the quality of our lives.

Similarly, because the father in the family is the man and main provider of the family, Indian culture deems him the patriarch, separating him from his wife and children and preventing a close-knit family. My father and grandfather, being born and raised in India, carry this unfortunate mentality. And it really does separate the man from the family; it always feels like it’s my mom, my sister and I versus him. And we have to ask him for everything, so the three of us will discuss with one another, “Does he seem tired today?” or “When do you think he’ll be in a good mood to say yes?”. My sister once described Indian fathers as kings of a castle: they think they’re always right, they expect everyone to treat them well, and they manage the household with a strong fist. Many kings in the history of the world can be considered as unjust, in the sense that they abuse their power, neglect the needs of the people, and avoid making solutions that would benefit the country as a whole. However, a fair and true king is someone that listens to the people, fulfills their needs and wishes through compromise, and forms a connection with them. Cyrus the Great was the emperor of the first Persian empire. While he was seen one of the best rulers in history because of the victories he gave his empire, he is known for creating the first declaration of human rights, the Cyrus Cylinder. Likewise, this is how a father should act. In terms of American culture, the father should act as a member of the family, a working piece that helps the family engine run smoothly. And the man can preserve himself as the provider of the family, but he should remember that his family are the only people who can help him run their kingdom smoothly and peacefully.

While there are several ways in which we could learn from our American society, it is important not to forget our own. We should definitely continue to value our respect for elders and our humbleness, but after learning these American viewpoints, implement them into our own culture and strengthen the bond between our loved ones in order to preserve our identity. It is important that we stand proud by our culture, and by integrating the ideas of the supposedly loud, rambunctious, and shameless Americans, everyone will be able to say “I am Indian-American” with true confidence and pride.