In July of 2012, in the town of Star City, West Virginia, a 16-year-old girl was murdered. While this piece of news was horrific and tragic enough by itself, it perhaps would not have made national news if not for the case’s most shocking component: the girl was murdered by two of her friends, both of whom were also 16. The victim’s father said that the girls were inseparable friends. What could have possibly happened between these three girls that led to the murder? When the two perpetrators confessed to the girl’s murder in January of this year, they gave their reason: They simply did not wish to be friends with the victim anymore. This revelation sparked a state of outrage, and the story was covered on various news networks, most prominently by CNN on Anderson Cooper 360.


This particular case may seem like an extreme example of antagonism between young girls, and indeed, any girl reading this most likely cannot recall a time when a girl in their school was murdered due to personal conflicts with other girls. However, while violence of this caliber may be rare, this antagonism by itself exists almost everywhere, in almost every middle or high school. Instead of appearing in the form of physical violence, it usually manifests itself in a particular form of emotional abuse, known as relational bullying. One can ask any middle or high school-aged girl, and she will most likely say that, yes, she has been a victim of this sort of bullying, and indeed, probably any woman who has ever attended middle or high school will tell you the same.


Realizing this fact leads to another question: why is this antagonism and bullying so prevalent? A large amount of research has been done by psychologists in an attempt to answer this question, especially in recent years, as the rate of teen suicides has skyrocketed, with many of those suicides being linked to bullying. In truth, this issue is often born of insecurity; middle and high schools are filled to the brim with students that are, essentially, children growing up. Becoming an adult is a simultaneously exciting and nerve-wracking thing. Everyone wishes to do it properly, and as a result of this wish, we adolescents are often very, very insecure about ourselves. Unfortunately, a common way for adolescents to deal with this fear is to take it out on others. We like to point out the problems and flaws possessed by others, as it distracts us from our own problems and flaws. This of course leads to bullying, which, in the long run, does little to improve the insecurities of the bully, and obviously only worsens the insecurities of the bullying victim.


If bullying solves nothing, why do so many young women partake in it? It is simply easier than dealing with the problem in a more honest and direct way, and a quick fix. It’s like eating junk food: it may be bad for you, but it’s easier than eating healthily because it tastes good. When someone bullies someone else, they often seem to feel better about themselves. But while junk food only damages the health of the person eating it, bullying is far more insidious, as it harms everyone involved. There are many groups and individuals who passionately advocate eating healthily. There should be just as many, if not more, groups and individuals who advocate simple human kindness and integrity. I encourage all who are reading this, especially teenagers, to take up the cause of kindness. Overall, people generally do not wish to hurt others. But unless we make the active effort to treat everyone we meet with respect and kindness, bullying will continue, and ultimately, prevail. This cannot be allowed to happen. So I urge all who are reading this, especially those of us still in middle or high school, to watch what they say about others. It is all too easy to say to oneself, “well, I’m not the bully here. These other people are at fault, not me. I may say some bad things about these people from time to time, but they deserve it because they are so much worse than I am.” This sentiment is generally not true. The fact of the matter is, almost no one ever bullies simply because they wish to be completely cruel. Everyone tries to justify their bad behavior in one way or another. It is extremely important that we remind ourselves that each one of us has the potential to be a bully. We must then remind ourselves that each of us has the potential to be a good friend, supporter, advisor, and counselor. Fake justifications aside, there is a simple choice in how we conduct ourselves: Will we speak negatively about others, and fail to support those we know in times need, or will we choose to speak positively, and support those who need our help? The choice is yours.