Pennies: 97.5% zinc, 2.5% copper but still 100% useless. Money in the United States is used in exchange for goods and services; however, pennies don’t do that effectively. The smallest form of currency we have is the penny; not the smallest in physique, but in use. In 2010, the U.S. lost 65 million dollars of tax money on the production of pennies. Some say this problem could be fixed by simply making pennies out of steel instead of zinc, but that wouldn’t solve the biggest problem; pennies are worthless.

The only person who might find a penny useful would be an assassin. If someone were to slip you a penny, it would slowly dissolve into a jagged weapon in your stomach, slicing your innards open. It’s ironic that an assassinated president would be on the weapon of an assassin; however, anyone trying to kill you with a penny probably has an IQ equal to its worth.

Imagine this: You are walking along under the scorching sun, feeling its rays beat down on your neck. You quickly find shelter under an awning, and to your infinite pleasure, there is a vending machine filled with drinks that cost only a dollar. But to your dismay, after spending what feels like hours in the blazing heat, you realize the vending machine doesn’t accept the pennies you have scrounged together. You give up and leave to find relief from the sun elsewhere. Unfortunately, your pennies will not be accepted anywhere that is not manned by a human or an android, both of whom would hate you for forcing them to count your pennies.

Some penny enthusiasts say that abolishing the penny would lead to increases in prices and cuts in charitable contributions; studies have proven the opposite. There are countries that have even tested this by ridding themselves of their penny-equivalent currencies and proved these enthusiasts wrong. Pennies are only kept because people feel bad for throwing out Abraham Lincoln; it was a genius move by the penny-lovers to place his face on the penny.

The U.S. Mint makes about 20 million pennies per day to produce 7.4 billion pennies annually; if we rid the US of the penny, they would have to do a lot less pointless work. This doesn’t even include the time, fuel and expense of carting all of those pennies around the country.

And guess what? We’ve already killed some coins in the past. Half-cent, two-cent, three-cent, and twenty-cent coins. They all failed. The cost to produce each of these eventually exceeded their value, and they were never needed. Much like the penny today.

“A penny for your thoughts.” Ever heard someone say that? People used to say it all the time, but due to inflation, it is more like “four pennies for your thoughts.” Just give the guy a nickel and let him keep the change; no one has any use for four pennies.