Now that you’ve tried hiking, it’s time to learn how to be the worst around. Like so many unprepared fatsos on the trail you must overestimate your abilities like the Kardashians intelligence.

Going up and you can’t get down is a long standing hiker tradition. Most of us either need to be on a diet, not on the mountain, and others should just try climbing a hill or staying away from mcDonald's.

It’s not just any normal person who can pull this off, it’s the ones that weigh 300 pounds or more, or the occasional city dweller.  And if any old city fatso is willing to try, so can you! With my new how to be a horrible hiker dvd series it’s easy to get started.

Here are a few standards:

Weigh at least 300 pounds. Does this not apply to you? Well that’s too bad! Wherever you live there must be a fast food restaurant, preferably mcDonald's! Either way mcDonald's serves breakfast all day, if you need to hit the 300 pound mark, the egg mcmuffin is calling you!

Leave trash. You need to do this because dumping trash everywhere makes it more like your natural environment, the polluted city. This includes leaving unneeded powerbar wrappers on the trail. 

Make sure everyone knows. Before and during your hike make sure everyone knows where you're going so they think you are a real outdoorsy person, our recommendation is facebook.

Always go too far. For some, this means getting out of the car, others making it on to the trail. It doesn't matter how far you go as long as you can’t make it back.  This is important because that’s the key to overestimating your abilities.

This rule is the most important rule of all, so listen closely, never, ever, come prepared. In case you don’t know what this means, never pack accordingly, don’t pack for the weather, in fact don’t even check the weather. Don’t bring survival equipment, because you always can go back, wear flip-flops not hiking boots, and never pack food or water. There are so many examples that you should not even bother to pack anything, just wear what you would to the beach.

Bring your dog. Dogs are vital to this hiker concept. When you come just let your dog go so it will scare away the unneeded wildlife, except the occasional bear. Don’t worry they will find their way back to you or the road, eventually. No need to pick up poop, that’s why you're here, right? Even if you do manage to bend over and clean it up, you can leave the bag there, they decompose in a few hundred years.   

You see the things called paths? Do not follow them. Paths are known for bringing you to your destination therefore, stay away from them. On paths you might encounter a rare other hiker, if you do end up in this situation refer to rule 5 or if they're scarey looking avoid eye contact at all cost. 

Understand new hiker? You can also be the worst hiker around! That was just the intro to how to be a horrible hiker dvd series.