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This Feeling
I hate this feeling,
   this feeling of always
  having to cry
   but never
  being able to
   just push the tears out,
  let the fear and the pain
   float away
  even when my heart feels 
   about ready to burst
  from a swollen sea shut back
   behind a cold wall,
  an eternally locked door,
   even when the pain of seeing you,
  talking to you,
   laughing and joking with you,
  every day
   becomes so tremendous
  that my head
   spins,
  as if I could
   die
  for not telling you
 
 
 
 
    I love you.

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