My biggest fear as I walk into an American high school;

my school will become the next nationwide tragedy,

a crime scene.

It’s weird because school is supposed to be a safe place,

but instead, I walk in each room searching for a way out.

Will I be next?

Will I break a window?

Will the shooter do that first?

Will there be a way out, or will I be next?

I practice barricading the doors, but will that be enough?

They say it happens fast.

I ask myself again, will I be next?

I am eight years old when I hear about a tragedy 

that traumatized thousands more.

I hear of teachers hiding in cabinets

and children fighting for their lives

I never walk into a school the same and I am only eight years old.

I sit in class wondering

if I will be next?

The speakers come on but this time it isn’t a drill.

The teachers act and the children hide.

We sit for two hours waiting for the all clear. 

I am only ten and filled with fear.

I sit under a stainless steel sink where the dishes are washed, and

children pee in plastic buckets with nowhere to go.

The threat is cleared and we get up, school goes on as if it’s another day.

I am relieved this time it was okay,

but everyone thinks the same thing.

Will there be a next time and will l be next?

I walk the halls to see police officers enter.

It’s just a threat

I am not allowed to leave, no matter how scared.

I think back to when I was ten hiding under the stainless steel sink;

or when I was nine and there were two lockdowns that year, l

listened to the children cry out, terrified for their lives.

I think back to when I was eight and the horrific tragedy filled my ears.

I tell myself it's just a threat but I can’t help but wonder

will my school be next?

Last year — 34 took place, would mine be the 35th?

School is supposed to be a safe place.

But it’s an American high school.

So instead, I walk into each room searching for a way out.