A boy’s cruel remark, an inferno of shame 

“Fat-kita” he jeered, distorting my name 

Funny how a nickname could leave deep scars behind 

Etching its mark on my tender mind 

In a world where culture thrives with standards all its own 

In this realm, where slender grace is brightly shone  

K-pop stars ascend, like stars in a dream 

Their music’s rhythm, like a flowing stream, 

Admired and revered, their fame takes flight, 

In a dazzling stage of bright neon lights, 

But behind the scenes, the pressure they bear, 

To fit in the mold, the weight they must spare 

Whispers of thinness upon the breeze, 

A pop star's weight formula, causing unease  

My height in centimeters - 120 = the ideal goal 

Crunching the numbers, 77 pounds became my new troll 

Each food package became a prison of numbers 

Calories dominated, dictating my meals, like silent drummers 

Macros tracked, each morsel, on sight 

Anxiety danced before and after each bite 

An unstoppable obsession consuming day and night 

Every meal, a calculation, a mathematical plight 

They held me captive, their numbers ruling my plate 

Whispering in my ear, urging me to eliminate 

Cutting down portions, inflicting hunger 

Weighing before and after every meal—no blunders 

A vigorous and relentless ritual that caused me strife 

Diminishing the sweet and sour of life 

Weight charts meticulously chronicled my days 

Averaging my weight in painstaking arrays 

With each pound gone, I yearned for another 

Caught in a trap, I’d never recover 

In my t-chart of foods, a dichotomy unfurled 

As I built a prison in my twisted world 

Rabbit food, protein, dairy—a virtuous fare,  

While ice cream, bubble tea, s’mores were tempting snares 

During an ordinary check up, I sat under threat 

My struggles laid bare, like poignant vignette 

My doctor’s eyes filled with concern, a compassionate gaze, 

Recognizing the turmoil woven through my days 

Suggesting a psychologist’s aid, 

To scrape clean the tormenting thoughts displayed 

It was a practical step, a professional one 

From myself I could no longer run 

In the depths of my heartache, I confided in kin, 

Facing the shadows so healing could begin 

With my mom beside me, my rock and my guide 

I embarked on a journey, no secrets to hide 

I cast aside scales, whispered, “I won’t let you near,” 

No calorie counts, no more fear, 

With each passing day, I grew stronger and free 

From the demons inside, the chains that bound me 

Food slowly won back my trust, a source of delight 

A symbol of strength, a beacon of light 

When hunger called, I embraced its embrace 

No guilt, no shame, just the taste of life, a sweet and savory chase 

The mirror no longer my harshest court, 

But a reflection of life, just one report 

In the depths of my soul, I found the true me, 

Not a number, nor size, but a soul set free