I Don't Know Which Him | Teen Ink

I Don't Know Which Him

July 7, 2009
By Tori DeRiggi PLATINUM, Cranberry Twp, Pennsylvania
Tori DeRiggi PLATINUM, Cranberry Twp, Pennsylvania
20 articles 1 photo 0 comments

How does this work?
What the hell is going on?
He likes me
I knew this
He cared for me
I knew this
He kissed me
I have a boyfriend

He was my ex
I still like him
I have a boyfriend
He broke my heart to let me free
He thought he was holding me back
I cried and found comfort
I went out with my best friend
I love my boyfriend

Then my boyfriend did something
He tried to get me to do something
I wouldn’t
I’m confuzzled
What happen?
We were the best together
We would try to see each other
Now I only see him now and then
It seems like all he wants are kisses
Why is this happening?
I’m so heart brokenly in love

Then my ex and best guy friend found me
He comforted me when he found out what happened
He was going to kill my boyfriend
I wouldn’t let him
He let me cry on his shoulder
He held me when I was down
I never let anyone see me cry
I’m way too independent
But I let him see my weakness

Four days I spent with my ex
Four days I didn’t see my boyfriend
I didn’t hear form him either
I’m confuzzled
My ex held me while I cried
Told me it would be okay when I was scared of silly things
He knew me and wanted to help
He was protective
He was the best ever
He was what I always wanted in a guy
But I have a boyfriend

One day of the four days we kissed
I don’t know why
I was horrified of what I did after
I cheated
I liked it
The kiss was amazing
I liked him more then my boyfriend
I’m confuzzled
What is happening?

He held me and comforted me
My boyfriend didn’t
He saw me cry
My boyfriend never has
He made me blush with a smile
My boyfriend hasn’t
He made my heart speed up with a touch
I didn’t think a guy could do that
My breath quicken with a hug
I’ve never been so short of breath
I thought that was a Hollywood felling
I didn’t know it was real
But he showed me it was real
He showed me what love is
I still have a boyfriend
It’s not him

I came back to reality
We have to act like this never happened
We have to pretend
We can’t touch
Nor hug
And defiantly not kiss
It hurts knowing the truth
I’m in love
With two guys
My boyfriend and
My band boyfriend
I can’t help but to want both

My boyfriend hurt me
My ex comforted me
I’m beating myself up for all of it
I should have said no long ago
I shouldn’t have kissed him
But it felt so good
It felt so right
Nothing like the way my boyfriend feels
Not even close
Why do I like it more?

I’m confuzzled
I don’t know what to do
I don’t want to hurt either
One wants to kill the other
The other has no idea what’s going on
I love them both
One will wait forever for me
The other has me and doesn’t know what he’s missing
I have to straighten this out
I just don’t know if I can

I don’t like tears
Nor fears
Nor anger
Nor any other emotion like these
They show weakness
I am not weak
I’m just lost
And confused
And sad
And mad
And annoyed
And angered
And I don’t like it

Life was better when guys didn’t like me
I didn’t have to show weakness
But I’m glad they do
They brighten my day
They show me that I can’t do everything
They help me when I’m down
They know me
Well my ex does
I don’t know what my boyfriend thinks
He doesn’t know half of my life
My ex know everything
And Ugly
He know me
I still have a boyfriend
It's still not him...

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