My thoughts bounce back and forth
Like a ping pong ball in a ping pong game.
They occasionally collide with a crash
Resulting in additonal hurt and pain.
The flashbacks are really completely and utterly
Unecessary.
Still my heart is trying, and succeeding,
In getting back at me.

I can't help the what ifs.
I can't not ask questions.
There's no end to my pondering.
There's no end to my suffering.
Apparently my brain feels the need to remind me
That my heart just won't let go.

Somedays I am relieved of my misery.
But this is short-lived, like everything else in my life.
My heart may be at ease but my brain still holds the memories
And any one thing can unlock the door again.

Tightly sealed and covered up
Are the little cracks in my heart.
Microscopic but not to me.
So clearly I can see them.
So plainly I can feel them.
My emotions perpetually in mayhem.

Writing and singing and thinking and talking
Is never enough to stop the heartache.
Just when I think it's waning
It comes back in full force,
Knocking me to my knees,
Silently crying out in agony.
Curling up in a ball in a dark corner
Headphones on I listen to music.
My medicine.
Analyzing lyrics trying to decipher
The solution to my own problems
But finding no answers.