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Broken Friendship
Broken Friendship
Do you remember the crayons, pencils, paper, and paste?
Those times together we didn’t waste?
We were always together, never apart.
All of those years are forever in my heart.
Yes, we had fights and small tiffs as we grew.
Somehow I knew our friendship wasn’t yet through.
Of course, we’d find a way to make up in the end.
After all, how could I stay mad at my best friend?
But what happened to all of the secrets and love that we shared?
What happened to that strong friendship that was ever so rare?
I could weep just thinking that we’ve grown apart this way!
I can’t bear the hurt I suffer each day.
I miss you, dear friend, for we hardly speak.
Day after day, week after week.
Every day I see you with your new friends.
How taxing to bear this weight, this jealousy that never ends!
I wish we’d go back to the way things used to be.
However, I know that it can’t be that easy.
I know we’ve changed through all the years that have passed.
“Why? Why must our friendship suffer so?” I ask.
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This article has 15 comments.
Hi Katie! Finally signed up after you told me at Panera lol. Still love the poem!
Thanks for the critique and for being so honest. I understand when you said, "I have a bad reputation for telling people what to do with their writing." Sometimes I read a story and think, "No, this is how it should go."
I'd originally wanted to enter a contest and thought of a different poem that didn't rhyme. When I asked my mom for her opinion she didn't like the poem. So then I came up with this one. (It was in geometry class, I was sitting in front of the person who I talk about in this poem.) Just felt the need to put that in there. Anyway, after that other "poem gone wrong" I realized it's easier for me to write poems in rhymes rather than free verse. I don't know why I even wrote a poem in the first place. I'm much better at stories, but I still have a soft spot for this one because I really miss my friend and when I read this I can think about the good times we had together, instead of the present where we're complete strangers to each other.
Oh, jeez, now I'm going into sob-story mode, and getting off track. Sorry! But thanks again for critiquing!
i can really relate to this but I don't know why you want it to rhyme. I used to feel the urge to rhyme every poem i wrote, but now I don't. so, my advice is if the rhyme made it harder to put emotion in, keep the rhyme out. try other things like alliterations and metaphors.
however, the emotion here is really obvious. now, let me apologize already and say that i have a bad reputation for telling people what to do with their writing! but i think you should have a stronger beginning. the start of it rhymes, but the paste and waste line is a little awkward...it shows youth, which i like, but idk, it's up to you. finally, kick some stronger verbs in here!! you have strong emotion so match it up with strong verbs!
keep up the good work. i know you'll definitely improve!
