Never Surrender | Teen Ink

Never Surrender

July 8, 2010
By Love_Kills_the_Blind PLATINUM, Fort Collins, Colorado
Love_Kills_the_Blind PLATINUM, Fort Collins, Colorado
23 articles 5 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never regret anything, at one point its exactly what you wanted."

When your in the tunnels of despair,
Fill your lungs with that precious air,
Hold it in and close your eyes,
Let the world fly by around you,
As you sit in the arms of eternity,
Only then will you hear the angels deep cries,
Saturated with the dreams they once had,
The dreams stolen away by the warrior called Time,
Who mercilessly claims the lives,
Of young lovers fallen far behind,
The gates of heaven and the bars of hell,
Call out the names of the ones afraid to live,
Those afraid to take their breath and never let it go,
Not for money not for fame,
Not even for their loves dieng flame,
If you were to learn one lesson,
From the vines of misery and the rays of joy,
On this wild twisted path around life,
It is that if you surrender your breath,
Or open your eyes to the harsh foreboding dark,
You shall loose the one thing left that is yours,
The last shard of hope you held in that breath,
And the truth surrendered in your eyes,
Will never be regained once taken or given away,
That is what makes you,
Or if it is to be so,
Breaks your spirit,
And the only parts of you that you could call your own.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Aug. 3 2010 at 12:04 am
GreyEyesBlueHair GOLD, Jacksonville, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." Henry Miller

I don't think the point is quite as clear as it could be.... It feels like you started to lose the point in what you were saying when you reached, "If you were to learn one lesson,". I still understand it fairly, but I think wording it differently and making the message bluntly apparent to your reader, would have served you better while keeping the beauty in your writing. Still really great job! I adore it! Especially the first five lines and the last two! The last two sounds like less filler and more back to the point! Awesome just the way it is!