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Excuse Me.....

May 9, 2012
By DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
More by this author
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

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Excuse me
I’ve got something to say
And when I’m done
I Promise you
You’ll be happy that you stayed

This is just a little something
I wrote only for you
And we’ve been friends for so long now
It’s time that I tell you this

Before I’ll even tell you this
It’ll be over, said and done
So why don’t we seize the moment; freeze it and own it.
Why don’t we begin?

© Nicole D., Palm Harbor, FL

The author's comments:
Uh, i'm not really into writing poems but i decided to try something new so here's my first poem that i've ever written.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 64 comments.

AbigailElizabeth SILVER said...
on May. 21 2012 at 8:05 pm
AbigailElizabeth SILVER, Medina, Minnesota
8 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose" - Goo Goo Dolls

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I like it because it's hard to understand. And I like inferring. Only good writers can truly do that :) I love it
Darbs1325 GOLD said...
on May. 21 2012 at 6:48 pm
Darbs1325 GOLD, Columbus, Georgia
15 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is a reflection of intent....love reflects love....hate reflects hate....-Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When the world puts you down, keep your head up!-Anonymous?

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Awww that is a sweet poem... Well I think i got the picture.... lol, but overal I like it and you should post more stories :D 
eeoopig said...
on May. 20 2012 at 12:33 am
eeoopig, Somewhere, Other
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments
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good poem, I liked the start the most :)
Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 17 2012 at 3:50 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

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That's the opposite of what I recommended. I meant that there should be no rhyme in the first paragraph. It throws the reader off.
Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 17 2012 at 3:50 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

View profile
That's the opposite of what I recommended. I meant that there should be no rhyme in the first paragraph. It throws the reader off.
Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 17 2012 at 3:49 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

View profile
That's the opposite of what I was recommending, I suggested that she alter the first paragraph so that there is no rhyming or anything looking like a rhyme, otherwise readers will expect all of it to rhyme, and then it won't belong in free verse, as I think it does.
MayaBCherry SILVER said...
on May. 17 2012 at 2:07 pm
MayaBCherry SILVER, Cupertino, California
6 articles 5 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Agreed. An open-ended question is definitely a great ending to a poem :).
MayaBCherry SILVER said...
on May. 17 2012 at 2:05 pm
MayaBCherry SILVER, Cupertino, California
6 articles 5 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

View profile

I like this poem - it's a wonderful start! I wouldn't have guessed it's your first :).

I'd recommend that if you want to to improve it, you can change it so that the lines rhyme. Then it'll be more catchy :).

MayaBCherry SILVER said...
on May. 17 2012 at 2:04 pm
MayaBCherry SILVER, Cupertino, California
6 articles 5 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

View profile
I agree about the first part, that we think it will rhyme, but it doesn't...maybe you should start off with a catchy rhyme that readers will remember.
Naturally_Talented SILVER said...
on May. 16 2012 at 10:11 am
Naturally_Talented SILVER, Bogota, New Jersey
8 articles 2 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
The supernatural is the natural not yet understood.

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Nice poem not bad for your first you should keep at it and make them even better
Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 15 2012 at 9:19 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

View profile
I like the message, and I understand free-verse poetry, but the first paragraph is soooo close to rhyming, that it throws the reader off when they get to the second paragraph. I know that's a knit-pick, but its important that when you make a first impression on your readers, you generally keep things in that original format, unless there's a metaphorical  twist, but it is a good poem. I just don't know what it's about, but I assume its about owning up to a crush, from some kind of slanted coming-of-age perspective? 
fatima9797 BRONZE said...
on May. 15 2012 at 8:10 pm
fatima9797 BRONZE, Caldwell, Idaho
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
If there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison

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This is super good! You should totally write more poetry!
madlinejoy SILVER said...
on May. 14 2012 at 9:16 pm
madlinejoy SILVER, Deale, Maryland
5 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
let go and let God
"Love is not an emotion but a choice"

View profile
it was very good danny
DanielM SILVER said...
on May. 14 2012 at 6:00 pm
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

View profile
thank you...
DanielM SILVER said...
on May. 14 2012 at 5:58 pm
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

View profile
i didn't either... thank you so much FWIN... right back at your a good writer and a good poet also.
InfinityandBeyond01 BRONZE said...
on May. 14 2012 at 5:48 pm
InfinityandBeyond01 BRONZE, N/a, California
4 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
Stay Strong! <3

View profile
I knew were a such a good writer at storys but I never knew you could write such great poems as well. Good job fwin!:)
DanielM SILVER said...
on May. 14 2012 at 5:00 pm
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

View profile
Thank you.....
Ashleyy1213 GOLD said...
on May. 13 2012 at 7:52 pm
Ashleyy1213 GOLD, CHICAGO, Illinois
17 articles 1 photo 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is the art of drawling, without an eraser.

View profile
i like it a lot. nice job my dude.
DanielM SILVER said...
on May. 13 2012 at 1:03 am
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

View profile
thank you that means a lot. i'll think about doing that.
Floyd7888 SILVER said...
on May. 13 2012 at 12:10 am
Floyd7888 SILVER, Pleasant Grove, Utah
6 articles 0 photos 9 comments
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I really liked it! You sould consider writting more poems, you're good at it.