Feral.
Riotous.
Unruly.
Rash.
Wild.
Poked and proded
Teased and taunted
I see each move
I hear each breath
I am stifled by the smoke
billowing about my mind.
A mantra of words to repeat
to protect myself they say.
Calm.
Restrained.
Controlled.
Disciplined.
Tame.
Let yourself get better they beg
Fight what’s inside they advise
Urges.
Itches.
But what I dare say back?
The fear,
the fear that engulfs me like an ocean.
the waves constantly tossing me across the water,
but never once sweeping me to shore.
I see relief,
so close I can taste the sand hot in my mouth.
Yet so far it leaves before I get a chance to swallow.
I’m terrified to try and swim,
terrified to argue with the god that has stripped me.
forced me into a belief
that makes my heart shiver.
It’s too cold inside this mind
Too cold to put up a fight.
The winter beast is skilled
at skinning its prey
and leaving it helpless, stranded
only to be found too late
because you see,
It’s kind of hard to fight the beast
When it lives inside of me.