Alone | Teen Ink


April 1, 2009
By EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Sitting in the kitchen, silent

but for the steady hum of the fridge,

resting upon the chair: my back upon its back,

my arms resting on its arms.

Over-burdened counters sagging with packages

Unattended to, forgotten and left.

the voices in the background, fading in and out.

Doors slamming with a sense of finality.

The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines

As they run through their simple cycles.

Besides this, the kitchen is silent, silent and sad.

As I sit on the hard chair, staring out into nothing.

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This article has 24 comments.

on Sep. 7 2009 at 7:04 pm
FreakyEyed DIAMOND, Juneau, Alaska
53 articles 29 photos 111 comments

Favorite Quote:
"This, too, will pass."

The whole poem is amazing, but I ADORED the second stanza... everything about it was perfect. The first line captures and the last line leaves you wondering... Five stars, yet again.

amyxu said...
on Sep. 3 2009 at 8:34 pm
Ooh this is creepy! Good job with all the images in here. Very Edgar Allen Poe-ish. If you have time, please check out a few of my poems. Keep writing :)

Braidy BRONZE said...
on Aug. 27 2009 at 2:30 am
Braidy BRONZE, Helper, Utah
1 article 0 photos 7 comments
this is really amazing.

keep writing!

on Jul. 12 2009 at 7:01 pm
Dandelion PLATINUM, Franklin, Massachusetts
20 articles 8 photos 173 comments
You are really an excellent writer, and I've seen some of your other poems. The imagery is spectacular, and you've captured all the ideas you've tried to cover. My poetry certainly isn't as good as yours, but you kind of remind me of myself in a way, because I'm usually a really happy person, but I write when I'm down. Keep it up; I want to read more!

EdytD SILVER said...
on Jun. 25 2009 at 6:15 pm
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
haha! nah, i'm usually not that depressed - i just write more poetry when i'm sad, so most of them aren't that... happy.

and you're right - in a way, i was trying to portray the museum - the echoing silence and the gloomy and overly-large exhibit-like cabinets and doors were ment to convey this image.

and i didn't notice that, but that line with the machines does have too many syllables.

thanks guys for your great comments! i'll be sure to check out your poetry in the future! :D

Joanna said...
on Jun. 25 2009 at 1:19 am
Joanna, St. Catharines, Other
0 articles 0 photos 165 comments
Oh dear. This is a lovely poem technically, but so sad. Oh so sad.

I do not agree with KICK3593. I believe that you captured the feeling perfectly in this poem. The character may hold little integrity, and this may seem stark and museum-like, but when one is depressed or lonely, everything is sterile and numb -- the proverbial "grey room".

The only thing I'd suggest is that the line "The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines" seems a wee bit bulky and out of place. Also, for God's sake, cheer up man!

on Jun. 20 2009 at 9:18 pm
hullothere GOLD, Bam, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 15 comments
This poem really captivates the reader and describes the feeling exactly. I love your writing and hope you stick with it!

on Jun. 20 2009 at 4:56 pm
SilverDawn GOLD, Burnaby, Other
10 articles 0 photos 297 comments
i agree with what soembody else said - the personification is great! you make the whole kitchen seem lonely and that's an interesting thing to think about. nice work (:

PK4evr ELITE said...
on Jun. 4 2009 at 2:17 pm
PK4evr ELITE, Allen, Texas
105 articles 5 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch everyone wonder how you did it!

Reminds me of my poem- They're different but same- take a lookie. And yours is more short and sweet. I think the best poems are short- but sometimes long ones work too. Good job :)

Wolfy DIAMOND said...
on May. 26 2009 at 2:48 pm
Wolfy DIAMOND, Huntsville, Alabama
71 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
A room without a book is like a body without a soul.

I know what you mean. I don't have many friends and I write and read to get away. I feel the same as SamathaS.

Here's a good hint on how to write things you like. Write about what you like, be inspired. Write about what you feel, whether happy, mad, sad, demure, things like that. Write about the things that are happening around you and what you think about them...Wow! I sound like Dr. Suess! But I mean it. That's what I do. Others may not like them, bot oh well. That's thier problem.

on May. 14 2009 at 8:21 pm
banana PLATINUM, Johnston, Iowa
30 articles 0 photos 18 comments
Now this is good! Really captures the feeling of loneliness!

EdytD SILVER said...
on May. 11 2009 at 11:45 pm
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
I don't see how the character is hypocritical. The narrator is only sitting in a room - as you mentioned, there's no dialogue for the character to say something and then do something else. Furthermore, nothing in this poem relates to moral standards, high or otherwise.

I'm also not really sure where a hamster comes into play. I was using details in the poem to give off a sense of melancholiness. I have the narrator sitting in a quiet kitchen, alone, staring off into space and thinking. This particular poem wasn't as much about the character's sadness, but instead developed the idea of a kitchen as a representative of this emotion.

on May. 9 2009 at 12:49 am
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
I think I wrote a poem like this, but it's about a museum.

This is an intensely mystified character. There is no revelation, no movement, just the stolidity of the two characters, the narrator and the kitchen. What a hypocrite this child is. It sees not yet the cycle he goes through. It might as well be a hamster. And there's the problem... The character holds very little integrity.

on Apr. 29 2009 at 11:55 pm
SagaLiSela PLATINUM, Boonsboro, Maryland
27 articles 27 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love you."

Simple as that.

Or not that simple.

This is a lovely piece. It adds gloom and sorrow to a place that is often thought of as a cheerful and lively place. Amazing.

(You also have a great taste in literature. =D)

EdytD SILVER said...
on Apr. 29 2009 at 1:11 am
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
Thanks guys - your comments mean so much to me! :D

I actually wrote this poem as part of a CTY writing online course, and was told to sit in a kitchen and describe the sounds, tastes, feelings, etc. felt sitting there. We then created a poem out of it, and this was the outcome of my late nights spent in my kitchen.

Some of the lines, though, I didn't actually hear, but added becaue they fit with the image.

Wolfy DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 28 2009 at 4:37 pm
Wolfy DIAMOND, Huntsville, Alabama
71 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
A room without a book is like a body without a soul.

WOW! All of your peoms are AWESOME! This one has the words that make you imagine yourself in that place,doing those things, and to tell ya the truth, that is a rare gift not found many times.

on Apr. 27 2009 at 10:20 pm
brigeisfalling GOLD, San Juan Capistrano, California
17 articles 2 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." ~Harvey Fierstein

"Never forget how beautiful you are" ~Gerard Way

My goodness! Your poems are so fantastic. I can relate to the feeling of being alone. I too write during fits of anger and passion and whateveer other feeling I get. Some of my poems tend to be that way but WOW you are such a great writer!

on Apr. 27 2009 at 10:17 pm
krazykristen521 GOLD, Scottsville, Kentucky
16 articles 0 photos 4 comments
I think this is well written. I really liked the feeling it left you with. It was truly a pleasure to read.

Kathleen E. said...
on Apr. 24 2009 at 1:16 am
I like the first stanza, the "back upon its back/,my arms resting on its arms." I thought it was unique and powerful. Well done.

on Apr. 23 2009 at 10:56 pm
Green_Eyed_Irish PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
31 articles 0 photos 17 comments
To me, this is brilliant. The simple subject of a kitchen, interwoven with the deep emotion of melancholy is brilliance! This poem speaks to everyone and anyone who has ever been alone in a very plain yet eloquent manner. Well done :)

(Thanks for the comment. Yes, I wrote "Numbers" in a fit of rage. Lol...)