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Climb
September 5, 2010
I can almost see my life anew
But the voice inside my head
Says, 'You'll never drive or play the sport you're blind. That's what it said.
With every step I take in lfe,
My vision getting worse,
I feel so lost, my faith is gone
It feels just like a curse.
With climbing mountains in one's life, and once you reach the top
You feel like you did the best you can. So now I know its enough.
© Stacy B., Pembroke, MA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 3 comments.
Gleek4ever GOLD said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 1:37 pm
i try puttin it in stanzas but for some reason my computer hates me. lol
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 1:36 pm
You should really keep your stanzas a consistent length. It's more visually appealing and it helps the rhythm. As for the message in your writing, it was excellent! :)
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Favorite Quote:
‎"I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world." - Beyoncé
"Says, 'You'll never drive or play the sport. You're blind'" And I think the that's what it said part can be removed since you already said says. Plus, this line is a little longer and kinda messes up the rhythm.
The lines in the third stanza is kinda longer and they don't seem to flow right.
Anyway this is all just me. :)))
It sounds likes Miley Cyrus' The Climb. And since the message of the poem is never give up, keep writing :)))