Mom told me, “Missing someone comes in waves. Don’t force it upon yourself; just let it come and go.”
These are no waves to speak of; they are ocean tides with ruthless under toes, pulling me in from the shore and into the blue of our memories together. This current drags my mind through our memories in clear waters of sunshine; so in love and immensely content. Each of these memories was our first sensation of love; the first love I swore would be our only. The current takes hold of my toes and washes me upon our shipwreck.
Painful; dark; wounding.
My heart bruised by the storm that led me to these phases of depression; I feel chambered inside my mind of these memories. Memories of listening to the shattered pieces of my own heart thunder upon the floor;
again,
again,
and once more.
My experience of reality where love crashes and sinks leaves me in disbelief;
Leaves me in awe.
Leaves me in question of what is out there that seeks not to destroy my heart.
This ocean is infinitely blue; as far as the eye can see; I only wish to sail upon the clear sparkling waters and into the sunset with him,
To let the shipwreck wash away and accept that it only made us stronger; yet my consciousness of his desire is surely quarreling.
As my mom told me, “Missing someone comes in waves. Don’t force it upon yourself; just let it come and go. Be strong. Eventually you’ll let it go.”