Lavender smoke fills my surroundings.

Inducing blurring visions and shivers down my spine.

The hair on my arms rises like a porcupine’s.

Before me could be infinite, unpredictable endings.

My throat is dry, I can’t cry.

My face is covered with my yellow sweater.

As my hands tear through the invisible barrier,

I cross to the otherside. 

Never to return again.

At least that was the dream that was stuck in my brain.

The dream that I would cease to exist, erased from the memories of my loved ones.

That was my aha moment. 

A week before I hated the thought of change.

In fact I was incapable of changing my mindset.

I never let anyone in, and kept things bottled up inside to the point where I made my family worry about me.

I began to pull their emotions down because of my constant melancholy.

Pessimism followed me like a shadow,

The only string of hope was the sorrow my computer would borrow.

Since the day that I decided it was time to make a difference. 

I surrounded myself with positivity.

I watched videos that lifted up my mood.

Backed away from red flags of toxicity,

And  grew more than a string of hope.

When tough circumstances dived in my path, I was able to cope.

Ever since I made a difference in my life, 

My whole world began to change.

Others around me were happy for me, and they were happy around me.

Now I would remain in their memories because of the good things I did for them.

And the amazing place I had in their hearts.

If I was to cease to exist they would never forget me.

I no longer had that nightmare of a dream.

And I was able to fall soundly asleep to the point that my glee would turn to happy screams.