there is an itch

         I must scratch

I must

         scratch this patch

I cannot survive

     if this patch of skin is not 

scratched

         pick   pick   pick

click  click    click

  today it is my lips that

         run dry

                   and epithelial layers –

I pry

         and they comply

and the scabs                on my knuckles

         they have not

                   healed

but    I tug and

ignore the pain     because

         I do not yield

the battlefield

                   or warzone?

is covered in grass now

so      I lay down

      and it stings me. ow–

its almond-colored splinters of

         death

    poke holes in   me

         as if I wasn’t broken enough

already

and now too

                   my voice

is unsteady

         with fear and with worry

calm calm calm

         I scream

and I am sunken so

of course    I am not heard by

anyone other than      the fish

who

                   heed my warnings and

they slither away through the          water with 

               a      splash and a swish

like

                   a terrifying

pack of snakes

         I once thought I liked

the lakes

                   now I’m not so sure.

there are mosquitos       here    everywhere

         everywhere they swarm the air

oh                  god

         they are      everywhere

and they won’t leave      me              alone

         please

I came

                            for silence

why is that so

         so

so                   hard to find

           I beg

they                     are everywhere

                   and I can’t sit still

while the mosquitos run                  wild

         tap    tap    tap

my fingers hit the                   table

         and the water

and

                   the earth

         because

they can’t sit still

                            and if i pull on them

they will break

                   again

because                I think

         I do it too                      often

maybe                           everywhere

all the time –

                   no

I want to again

                            and I can’t

         but also

                            it’s this itch

I need to scratch

                            and nothing

         no,    nothing

will match                     the pleasure

         that comes from  the itch

of this         bad    habit.