I think that “love” is cliche. Amour, liebe, ai, no matter how you say it everyone knows the gist already: You’re either gonna talk about your 50th crush this year or you’re just going to go on and on about your significant other that know one really gives a crap about.

At some point in my life, I knew that I was like other kids but something was off. 

I was a typical tomboy who enjoyed sports, I also was a young girl who enjoyed dressing up, but when it came to love and crushes in elementary school I felt forced to crush on boys. 

At some point in time I’d find myself staring at women with interest, I forget when but at some point I was just like: “Oh sh**. That woman is pretty hot.” 

I was never flamboyant at all, I never had much of a gay flare compared to some others. And I’m not a punk lesbian who couldn’t come out to her parents. I was never a cliche homosexual.

I think it’s common knowledge to both that I’m not straight but a lesbian, a homosexual if you will. 

My problem was never hiding my identity, I could care less if people hated me because I’m gay, my problem is love.

I want to get married someday, I want to find my dream woman so much. 175cm tall, manly but so feminine, slightly sadistic but is also very soft and kind to those that she loves, a woman with passion and interests that she could ramble on with forever, her beautiful and soft skin, I want to lay on her and embrace her, I want her to be mine. I want to be with that oh so perfect 20/10.

I’ve dated in the past. They were all nice but once that honeymoon phase ended… Now what? I thought that one was just so pathetic and pitiful, my only relationship with a male. The other was so nice, but I failed to stay because I lost my passion, and so did she. Sorry Ella. 

My expectations are too high. There would be no such thing as a 20/10 in this school, I mean… Yeah they exist. But they're either straight as a steel pole, or I’m “Not their type.” 

“Well just use a dating site–” Really? Do you know how many creeps there are on those sites? Also my parents? They would KILL. ME. I’m just 16 now, so I can wait. Just two more years, then I can go wild and find some ladies.

The idea of intimacy and isolation scares me. It’s the point of your life from 18-40 years where you will either find a partner or you’ll die into a small shallow husk of what you once were because you fear commitment and intimacy.

I want to marry a woman, I don’t want any kids. Just a nice quaint home to ourselves, maybe we can travel to Japan or Cancun for our winter vacations and discover the world together. 

Love is so cliche, but no one can live without it. I swear, if I hear someone else gush about how their cliche, hetero, basic-ass quote-unquote relationship where the man is an average jock while that girl is the same copy pasted white girl with straight and dirty blonde hair who looks like every other white girl in this school, I might lose it.

They don’t understand what it’s like to be criticized about who they find attractive. 

They wouldn’t understand how I’m a triple minority: Hispanic, gay, woman. Is it a cliche to believe that I can overcome any odds and get myself a happy ending? Yeah, I guess so. But I don’t have my hopes up.

How could anyone love such a cynical, awkward, and weird-sounding individual? I haven’t found a single person in this state who relates to me at all. I don’t care if I never have my own “besties” or be able to share my secrets. 

I just want to have my own wife who loves me no matter what. And I hope that isn’t too much to ask for.