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Divided in Two
I always wanted heat in my life,
But now I’m trapped by the flames,
When I walk I feel them rage,
Like gasoline was dumped on my feet,
Fueling the ever-burning fire.
I try to let them burn, I can’t stand it,
I bring in buckets, they don’t help the growing heat,
So I use hoses, chase it away.
Am I myself without fire?
Does it prove my authenticity now that I’ve chosen it?
Have I washed myself away,
Left a mind and body that are not my own?
Am I even still me in this flameless state?
In my memories, I see a child,
She smiles as the water crawls around her,
Submerges her,
Soaks her,
Nearly chokes her.
She lives,
Because she prospers in the water,
She has no flames.
Am I what this child became?
Trapped by the things inside of myself.
Did I mess up, warp her into me?
Take her future to fit my dreams?
Not what I wanted but what I thought I did.
A world not cold and numb like the water,
But scorching like fire,
My skin boils.
I took away her water to bring fire,
Just to want it back when flames become too much.
Waves out of reach,
And once I have them back, choke.
The flames too are pushing me away,
And I’m forced to burn and drown simultaneously.
Was I the reason,
Or was it the world that gave me this brutal fate,
Because once I climb out of the ashes,
I find myself gasping for air.
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This piece is a broad poem about the struggles I've faced in my life.