she lost her best friend to a knife and depression

her grandfather to cancer, four stages in

her grandmother to her memory regression

her parents, whose expectations ate at her from within

and still, she smiles

she lost her voice, when it was clear no one would listen

her smirk, to the harsh truths that killed her light humor

her health, with days free of the pills a long-forgotten vision

her youth, as if life had decided she should grow up sooner

and still, she smiles

she lost her passion, when the sweetness of triumph began to fade

her innocence, with all the violence she'd seen living in her head, compiled

her hope, the flame slowly dwindling to ashes with every tear she paid

her joy, unseen wounds that she'd masked with a pretty smile

and yet, she smiles,

losing losing losing

she was so tired of losing

the pain she'd swallowed without a word of complaint

the smiles suddenly bruising

but even then

the pain never truly stopped

until she'd finally

lost herself