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What It Means to Beg
When the night falls and the drive yearns to be reckless,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the blade beckons and reaches for your soft skin,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the lighter seems to ignite itself, heat calling you,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the food refuses you and your mouth sours,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the sidewalk is crumbing and the busy road calls,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the water below whispers its siren’s call,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the rail of the bridge seems just a little too low,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the bottle claims to be the only escape,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the pills pile up and plea for your trust,
I beg you- please don’t.
When the darkness promises peace,
I beg you- please don’t.
I beg you, I beg you, I beg you.
Please don’t.
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For years, I struggled with severe anxiety, depression, anorexia, and othorexia. In 2020, during quarantine, I hit an all-time low. I attempted to end my life two times that year and stayed inpatient at a hospital three separate times for my mental health between June of 2020 and February of 2021. Now I'm a junior in high school with more achievements than I can process. I never though I'd make it to 15, much less 16. Every Christmas that passes is a small celebration in my heart; I never thought I'd see the tree up again when I was at my lowest. I read a Tumblr post somewhere, probably Pinterest, about a train. When the train comes, would you step out of the way? Deep down, I think many of us would hesitate to move. The post elaborates, talking about the beauties of life and asking, at the end, that if the train comes, please move. I hope this poem achieves something similar for readers as that post did for me. When the dark urges creep up, it's easy to say we won't act on them, but in the moment, resisting feels out of the question. When you read this, I hope you can take it to heart and think of it in your next dark moment. Picture someone you love telling you this, asking for you to choose kindness for yourself instead of violence, clutching your hand and holding you tight. Next time you find yourself in the dark, remember that though we may not know each other, I beg you, please don't.