So you want to go to college do you?
You dream big, of Ivey league and brick-paved sidewalks?
Well your GPA, it’s just shy of perfect.
I think that could change quite quickly, don’t you agree?
Just add an hour more of homework a night.
And then sprinkle on some sports, maybe track?
Or basketball? You’ve always liked to throw things
Like fits, or temper tantrums, or glasses against walls when things don’t go your way.
But basketball, yes, that’s only two hours of practice a night
And games on Sundays.
And travel games sometimes, so Saturday too.
And of course you’ll never go anywhere worth bragging about in your job interview
Unless of course, you plan to sell hot dogs on the streets
If you don’t volunteer your time
To those more needy than you are
So I’ve signed you up to work in an old-folks home
You’ll envy them of course, because they have nothing to do but sleep and eat and read
And watch sunsets from the window, and complain about the past.
Don’t forget, they envy you too.
And I know you’ve always hated the elderly but
You’re a good talker, good company, and a good friend.
Speaking of friends, those colleges want you to be well rounded so
You need to socialize
Maybe get invited to some parties on Friday nights?
(But not too late, you have basketball in the afternoon and
An SAT review at 6am)
And make sure you know
All the right people, and you’re well liked
And everyone should know your name.
On Wednesdays you can go to the mall!
But don’t forget all that homework, due tomorrow.
Of course you will be in all the top classes.
That’s practically the most important part of the recipe!
Seven cups of AP and honors classes
So that’s double the workload, and at this rate
You’ll graduate collage
In a year.
If you can, take classes online.
One? Two? Maybe even four, so that everyone else looks lame
Next to you, and
Harvard will be at your door by tomorrow
But only if you’re fluent in at least two languages
And you’ve traveled the world
And your parents have enough money to buy the school a new stadium.
It is also critically important, and not to be forgotten
That you write your college essay
In the same way one might write a sob story
If you make the reader cry, you’re in.
(Lost a loved one? Found yourself?)
So good luck.
You have an AP exam tomorrow morning and
Two hours dealing with the elderly and
At least a nights worth of homework and
You promised you’d go to the movies with everyone and
Even then, you aren’t done.