“Marriage is forever”! My parents tell me this daily because they hate each other.
In my mind I’ve promised myself that I will never be married.
My father hits, but only with his fist.

He calls me ugly. My name is Shine. I am blind to this world. I am a Dreamer.

I dream of a better day after the dark. On long walks through the park.

I feel the sun, and its gentle warmth that welcomes me….
There is a doubt though that I deserve it; see?

I believe that someday God will bring me perfect weather…
But I’m losing patience to outlast this Brutal leather.
I’m forever gaining painful strikings just to please my father’s likings.

In lies I trust. Weed…you are my only choice. You are my friend.
Safety is only given in the end...you take my worries far away…
you are my only friend.

Am I crazy? I know there’s worse. I've seen the news.
I believe in God. So there is NO way I can ever be that kid. Suicide is simply not a choice.
The way he acted…I could never be that dumb.
He’s an abomination. His gratification is never achieved.

Drop the keys to life. The engine won’t turn over. I’m at a stall,
It’s December, and Life is too difficult for me to have true friends. It's cold.
They don’t need my tribulations. My life is near adult. I am in transition.
I CAN handle this weight on my own. I just need some time alone.

Christmas catapults my life into a new perspective.
I’m not active. For what? Another Disappointment?
Come’ on now…I’m told life’s too great to split from.

And though; never seen,
I believe that someday I will leave this scene, and it will all be fine.


Since my last transition…I have received a new friend.
Liquor from my mother’s cabinet. She won’t notice…why would she?
She doesn’t even know I exist.

Today I am sad, of what I could have had.
My report card was sent to my parents...I’m hit hard…
I discard… all feelings…I am numb. I slit my wrist as I hit the floor.
He cannot hurt me anymore.


Death…you are my only friend. You welcome me in time of need.
You have gifted me abundantly, with Alcohol and Weed.

You are greedy …ha… but so am I!
With a few bottles down…I think…
It’s the beauty of the sun that comes from the window.
It’s Sin though, that makes me trapped.
It makes me feel like I'm in Limbo.
I am becoming limp so…
I give the gift of life to death.
From life to life; and death to death. I bond our sorrowed friendship.
Death, will you be my loyal partner?
Will you marry me forever?
I am sorry God, I was so wrong.
It seems too late to sing your song.
I Love you God, but could not long...to see another day...so long.

Eternally I rest with sin.
Death has tricked me for the win.

Lord, have mercy on my soul. I can no longer pay my toll of life.
I will never fail you ever again; Just let me cheat on death this once.
Lord let me gift you with my Sin.



I am awakened from my deep deep slumber.
The birds are singing quite a number. Life is gifted back to me.
My parents lack, the life I’ve seen. Was it surely not a dream?