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That Girl

October 16, 2011
By miaq96 SILVER, Karachi, Other
More by this author
miaq96 SILVER, Karachi, Other
7 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
never run after success,be such a person that success runs after you.

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She walked through those doors,
No one noticed her.
She attended their classes,
No one accepted her.
She tried out for drama,
No one wanted her.
She excelled in studies,
No one appreciated her.
She hurt herself in gym,
No one took care of her.
She ate lunch alone,
No one joined her.
She walked home by herself,
No one accompanied her.
She fell sick,
No one inquired about her.
She got hospitalized,
No one visited her.
Soon...the doctors gave up hope,
No one cheered her up.
She died in that room,
No one cried for her.
But...soon everyone felt sorry,
When they found out...
She had cancer.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 6 comments.

miaq96 SILVER said...
on Jul. 5 2012 at 3:05 am
miaq96 SILVER, Karachi, Other
7 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
never run after success,be such a person that success runs after you.

View profile
thank you so much...feedback like this really boost up my confidence.Please go through my other work and give feedback.Cheers:)
Camille1234 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 4 2012 at 10:31 pm
Camille1234 PLATINUM, Corbett, Oregon
23 articles 0 photos 45 comments
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You are really good with words. I love it how you started the story as if the girl was insecure but built it up that she had cancer. It really surprised me and that is a good thing. It wasnt predictable like writtings can be it was shocking in a good way and you should keep on writting. A talent like this is something to be proud of. :)
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 16 2012 at 8:00 am
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1398 comments

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The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.<br /> --Eleanor Roosevelt

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Yeah I thought the same thing. I thought it was going to be about a shy or insecure girl living through life alone. Everyone paid attention and noticed when she was gone---not when she needed them most. Good work~
Kinzi GOLD said...
on Mar. 14 2012 at 11:49 am
Kinzi GOLD, Cairo, Other
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&ldquo;There is some good in this world, and it&#039;s worth fighting for.&rdquo; -J.R.R. Tolkien<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.&rdquo; -Mother Teresa

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This was really quite good, but I was actually a bit confused. I had totally expected this poem to be about an insecure girl who felt like she wasn't getting enough attention, but in the end she ended up having cancer. If your aim was to sort of surprise the reader with "She had cancer" then I guess good job! But if you were trying to build up to it, then I was a little surprised. 
Countrylife4 GOLD said...
on Oct. 24 2011 at 5:26 am
Countrylife4 GOLD, Maine
11 articles 4 photos 118 comments

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That's sad :( but keep writing. That was good! :)