That Girl | Teen Ink

That Girl

October 16, 2011
By miaq96 SILVER, Karachi, Other
miaq96 SILVER, Karachi, Other
7 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
never run after success,be such a person that success runs after you.

She walked through those doors,
No one noticed her.
She attended their classes,
No one accepted her.
She tried out for drama,
No one wanted her.
She excelled in studies,
No one appreciated her.
She hurt herself in gym,
No one took care of her.
She ate lunch alone,
No one joined her.
She walked home by herself,
No one accompanied her.
She fell sick,
No one inquired about her.
She got hospitalized,
No one visited her.
Soon...the doctors gave up hope,
No one cheered her up.
She died in that room,
No one cried for her.
But...soon everyone felt sorry,
When they found out...
She had cancer.

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This article has 6 comments.

miaq96 SILVER said...
on Jul. 5 2012 at 3:05 am
miaq96 SILVER, Karachi, Other
7 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
never run after success,be such a person that success runs after you.

thank you so like this really boost up my confidence.Please go through my other work and give feedback.Cheers:)

on Jul. 4 2012 at 10:31 pm
Camille1234 PLATINUM, Corbett, Oregon
23 articles 0 photos 45 comments
You are really good with words. I love it how you started the story as if the girl was insecure but built it up that she had cancer. It really surprised me and that is a good thing. It wasnt predictable like writtings can be it was shocking in a good way and you should keep on writting. A talent like this is something to be proud of. :)

on Mar. 22 2012 at 5:45 pm
DaisyAngel BRONZE, Sandy Springs, Georgia
3 articles 0 photos 65 comments
Great poem! It was very sad, though. ;'( Keep up the good work!

on Mar. 16 2012 at 8:00 am
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1398 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Yeah I thought the same thing. I thought it was going to be about a shy or insecure girl living through life alone. Everyone paid attention and noticed when she was gone---not when she needed them most. Good work~

Kinzi GOLD said...
on Mar. 14 2012 at 11:49 am
Kinzi GOLD, Cairo, Other
11 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -Mother Teresa

This was really quite good, but I was actually a bit confused. I had totally expected this poem to be about an insecure girl who felt like she wasn't getting enough attention, but in the end she ended up having cancer. If your aim was to sort of surprise the reader with "She had cancer" then I guess good job! But if you were trying to build up to it, then I was a little surprised. 

on Oct. 24 2011 at 5:26 am
Countrylife4 GOLD, Maine
11 articles 4 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Someday soon we're gonna catch that dream we've been chasing"
"Seven days without a horse makes one weak."
"The worst part of riding is when you dismount."

Insult my clothes, I say, “Okay, thanks for the compliment.”
Insult the way I look, I say, “Thanks for notifying me.”
Mock me and say riding isn’t a sport, and I’ll say,”You say that ’cause you can’t ride.” But before you make fun of my horse, make sure you have “911″ on your speed dial.

That's sad :( but keep writing. That was good! :)