Some say that two years is more than enough time
To mourn the death of a friend, and
to an extent
They are correct.

I have found, for the most part, closure to
The unexpected death of my elderly neighbor
Knowing that she is smiling lovingly
down from
Heaven.

But every now and again, a selfish twinge
of hurt
And aching longing to hear her voice
Overcomes my countenance, and covering my pain
Is a smile as thin and fragile as glass.

The remembrance of her and the memories we shared
Leave a bittersweet taste in my mouth
and knots
In my stomach.
Regret and shame burrow deep in my core
at the realization
Of how much more I could have done for her
And how I failed at being a good friend.

All the visits I put off, thinking I would talk to her tomorrow
Or the day after that are now lost opportunities
That are gone forever because I missed
my chance.
If only I had gone over and chatted
more often,
To hear her perspective on the past she
Was a part of, and her knowledge of
the world
And the wisdom she would willingly offer.

Although I miss her terribly at times,
Her smile is in the sun
Her presence is in the wind
Her voice is among the birds
And her never-ending love in the beauty
All around me.

One day we will meet again, and on that happy hour
I hope with all my heart that she won't be
Disappointed
In who I used to be and who I grew
to become.