Take a Chance with One Last Dance | Teen Ink

Take a Chance with One Last Dance

May 16, 2013
By Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"


I've been here searching for you, inside a dementing soul
My heart is too tired to care, as the days pass by digging deeper, eating me whole
The beat stops, Pieces of my heart
Shatter from the very start
I must have been a fool , thinking I could live without you beside me
Only you hold the key
These eyes of darkness burn my cold heart, causing my ends to turn loose
Time is ticking holding me like a noose
A broken heart, a beaten soul, a place that will never mend
I can't be whole again, trying to not bend
Only time takes away this persisting pain
You are only looking for your generous gain
I've been here searchin in the darkest shadows for the slightest light
A place in my heart still ignites, oh how cruel of a bittersweet fight?
Maybe if we keep trying we could do so much more than this
I still remember our very first kiss you nearly missed
Upon your eyes reveal the night sky, a twinkle in your eyes
Oh how the soft moonlight shined upon us my dear, a memory that never dies
You softly shiver to the fear of the unknown
I take your hand and say that you won't be left deserted and alone
A warning you never heeded, but a high that you need
For me the cursing promise inside was a new way to bleed
A commitment to this suicide
A fulfillment that tears my insides
The red eyes of evil unveil
I must hail, I cannot fail
Taking over, sending a symphony of chills down my spine
Taking hold, taking everything that was once mine
Gone away, By the way
Possessing my helpless soul on this day
I walk to the soft grass
We all just burn like fire in a destructive mass
Where were you when you deceived me?
No words will play the apology I owe Just let it be
How long will you hide your face
While you undo the lace
Will you find a way to walk away?
This eating me alive day by day
In the end fireflies will be our only light
On this stormy moonlit night
just you and I, I wanna take a chance
And never look back again, since we had our first dance
With you, I know I'm worth some
You make it all go numb
You were all mine
It's my time
I promised to love you forever
And I never will stop loving you, I swear never
You will always be In my heart
Don't let this knife cut me apart
I wouldn't give it my all if I didn't make the mistake to walk away
But maybe someday in may...


The author's comments:
A guy I love so dearly much is who I wrote this for, he realizes how much I still care, throughout my poetry. His words were, "No words describe your work, it is as Beautiful as you are."

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This article has 8 comments.


on May. 29 2013 at 12:17 pm
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

Thankyou for the feedback I appreciate it so much!!!

on May. 24 2013 at 3:25 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

Hey there! I really like long poems, to me they feel like a rhyming short story. Sometimes poems can be written in only a few lines, like haikus, other times poems are very long. And while I enjoy them all, I like long poems. I am glad this one wasn't many lines repeated over and over. Though it was long and could have be repetitive, I liked how this wasn't. Each was unique and a line all their own. I like the emotion in here and the honesty. Soft and dark. It really balances out. I like this poem. Good job.

on May. 22 2013 at 7:47 pm
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

Thank you so much! I appreciate it!

on May. 22 2013 at 4:51 pm
Rebecca.xx BRONZE, Springboro, Ohio
4 articles 3 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
-Edgar Allan Poe
(this summarizes my life)

It's great! I love all your details, how parts are lovey and soft but others are deep and complex. Good work!

on May. 22 2013 at 4:18 pm
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

Thank you for commenting! I enjoy hearing positive comments! :)

on May. 22 2013 at 1:10 pm
Tinytea PLATINUM, Hailey, Idaho
23 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Though she be but little, she be fierce." -Shakespeare
"We're all just trying to be saved, but truth be told, we're being saved by whoever loves us; no matter where, when, how, or why." -Me

This poem is amazing, so emotional, and gives you a clear image and clear feeling. I love it! 

on May. 22 2013 at 7:54 am
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

Thankyou for taking the time to look over my work! I will take everything you mentioned into consideration. I know I didnt intentionally put the cliches in the poem, but I can work to revise. However, I do kind of like how they helped the poem flow better, but I know they are to be avoided... When I write I dont typically use outside influences, I just sit and clear my head and write on what i feel. Thank you for the suggestions! I will work to revise...

ephemeral GOLD said...
on May. 22 2013 at 1:20 am
ephemeral GOLD, Park City, Utah
17 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All that is gold does not glitter/Not all those who wander are lost/The old that is strong does not wither/Deep roots are not reached by the frost"

Your imagery is charged with pathos, but the thrilling metaphors and being degraded by the cliches. "I must have been a fool thinking I could live without you beside me", "You hold the key" and "You will always be in my heart" are popular phrases that you see everywhere.   I encourage you to revise, not compromising rhyme of course, so that these parts match up with the quality of the lines "Time is...holding me like a noose" and "A warning you never heeded, but a high that you need"--which are my favorite lines.   Reflect and think about what you want the reader to experience when they read this poem.