The One that Failed | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Poetry
  3. Free Verse
  4. The One that Failed

The One that Failed

May 28, 2013
By Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
More by this author
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

View profile

The one that failed me was the one
I am supposed to trust most.
The one I am supposed to hold close.
The one my mother told me to believe in.
The one I am supposed to put my faith in.
To me,
The one that failed me is dead.
The one to me is a cold, rotting corpse in my mind,
That sits at the judges desk.
Telling us what we did right
And what we do wrong
Passing judgements on our every mistake.
Making me contemplate every move I make.
To me,
The war between good and evil,
Is no use to battle,
Or fight.
My mind is overrun,
The one that failed me forgot to protect me.
Left me abandoned and broken,
Alone, and vulnerable
For the world to see.
Heartbroken and lost,
The one that failed me is gone
Away out of my mind...

© Courtney K., Bethel Park, PA

The author's comments:
Metallica inspired...
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Poetry
To a Brother Growing Up
By imperfection GOLD
Gilroy, California
imperfection GOLD, Gilroy, California
17 articles 9 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Dream as though you&#039;ll live forever, live as though you&#039;ll die today.&quot;<br /> ~James Dean (1931-1955), American Motion Picture Actor, symbol of rebellion

View profile
Poetry
The Protectors' of the World
By Arbys GOLD
Dobbs Ferry, New York
Arbys GOLD, Dobbs Ferry, New York
15 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.&quot;Edgar Allan Poe<br /> &quot;A dream doesn&#039;t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. ~Colin Powell&quot; ~ Colin Powell<br /> &quot;Wisdom is not finally tested in the schools, Wisdom <br /> &quot;A poem is never finished, only abandoned.&quot;-Paul Valery

View profile
Poetry
The Unraveling Scarf
By kiwi12 PLATINUM
Austin, Texas
kiwi12 PLATINUM, Austin, Texas
28 articles 10 photos 365 comments
View profile
Poetry
The Voice
By BreLee SILVER
Sula, Montana
BreLee SILVER, Sula, Montana
7 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Poetry
The Backyard
By CarlyG GOLD
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
CarlyG GOLD, Emmaus, Pennsylvania
10 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.&quot; H. Jackson Brown Jr.

View profile
Poetry
Diffrences
By Son`ador SILVER
Hamilton, Other
Son`ador SILVER, Hamilton, Other
8 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;We all mess up sometimes,but if we make a conscious effort to do good more times than not, we&#039;ll be doing life right.&quot;<br /> Stephanie Perry Moore<br /> <br /> Life sucks, and then you die!!<br /> -Anonymous-

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 2 comments.

Metalhead08 GOLD said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 7:20 pm
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;d rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. &quot; FFDP &quot;You&#039;re born alone and you die alone&quot; FFDP &quot;I wonder out where you can&#039;t see, inside my shell I wait and bleed.&quot; Slipknot &quot; If youre 555 then I am 666&quot;

View profile
With this poem i didnt want to get offensive with anyone, and i was reffering to God, however i knew if i wrote this poem the way i wanted it would be once again denied... I will work on improving this one! Thank you once again, i really enjoy your way of replying to my work :)
ephemeral GOLD said...
on May. 30 2013 at 7:26 am
ephemeral GOLD, Park City, Utah
17 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;All that is gold does not glitter/Not all those who wander are lost/The old that is strong does not wither/Deep roots are not reached by the frost&quot;

View profile
For the topic that you chose, which I personally endorse, you're really lacking pathos. You did well portraying the person that "failed", but you don't complete the poem with clear emotions or feelings towards the person. They left you broken, and how do you feel about that? Did you forget them over time? Do you resent them? Do you wish feverishly that they hadn't failed? As a reader I definitely want to know about your emotions to flesh out the poem. I love the inspiration source, though