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i don't believe in counting stars

May 24, 2013
By Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
More by this author
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

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i.

i don’t believe in counting stars
—the fickleness!—
—the futility!—
—the betrayal!—
i believe in counting
the empty holes the stars leave
all too often for me to forget:
it helps as the years pass by

ii.

i don’t believe in counting
on anyone:
—the fickleness!—
—the futility!—
—the betrayal!—
i do believe in counting on
the likelihood of disappointment:
it helps as the years pass by

© Caitlin D., Tyler, TX

The author's comments:
This poem is primarily inspired by Amiri Baraka's poem "Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note". Also, I was feeling down and betrayed.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 14 comments.

WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Aug. 3 2013 at 11:03 am
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

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I think strength can be gained by a beautifully sad line. Make the narrator explain his reason for it being better to not have expectations while simultaneously showing the readers that in effort to avoid potential betrayal or disappointment you end up being unhappy anyway. Break their hearts with naive self-'protection.' Hope that helps.
Mckay ELITE said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 6:39 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

View profile
Wow! Thank you for all the love and appreciation. And yes, that wonderful poem did inspire me to write this. Merci, WriteorWrong! (And how do you think I should word those lines out? Someone else pointed it out too; but I'm not sure how should I do it.) 
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 11:55 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

View profile
OH MY GOSH! The second I read 'counting the empty holes the stars leave' I made a mental note to ask you if you had ever read "Preface to a Twent Volume Suicide Note!" THAT'S MY FAVORITE POEM! That is so superlative, cool, marvelous, amazing that it was your inspiration. As you can see I am going to be a little biased in my feedback- I adore this, obviously. I love how it's broken it two. I love the repeated three words. I love how relatable it is in the way it avoids expectations. I love how counting is used very similarly but somehow so cleverly different. What I wasn't crazy about was the lines 'it helps as the years pass by.' I like the idea behind that line but I would like it to e worded different. Magnifique! Incroyable! J'adore. Fantastic work. Sorry I wasn't much help with constructive feedback this time, I am a little too blinded by my love for the inspiration. I am so glad I randomly clicked on this poem!
Mckay ELITE said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 3:10 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

View profile
Thanks, Krasota. Sometimes pain creates the best in you. Though I wouldn't say this is my best work. Thanks.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jun. 10 2013 at 2:44 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 444 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

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I'm sorry that it took betrayal to write this poem, but it was AMAZING! :D Great job!  
bree_bree GOLD said...
on Jun. 5 2013 at 1:08 pm
bree_bree GOLD, Auburn, Kentucky
12 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
mistakes are made to be learned from.

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Glad to help :) to help someone els improve in their poetry is an honor that im glad to have in helping you.
Mckay ELITE said...
on Jun. 4 2013 at 2:13 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

View profile
You haven't overstepped. I appreciate the enthusiam you show for this poem. It means a lot to me. To see someone take time to try to better this poem. Not a lot of people will do that. But I appreciate that you do. I will keep on working on this poem with all the suggestions you've given me. Let's hope for the best. THANKS. 
bree_bree GOLD said...
on Jun. 2 2013 at 12:18 pm
bree_bree GOLD, Auburn, Kentucky
12 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
mistakes are made to be learned from.

View profile
Okay then ill be glad to help. feel free to return the favor with anything of mine that you have read some have been changed a little since i sent them in. okay in the first stanza you say empty holes, i thought that mabye a better word could be used to amp up the feeling like desolate holes or abandoned or mabye something like solitary, i feel like it would create a more emotional attachment to the reader with descriptive words. also the " all to often for me to forget" could go something like "all to often to be forgoton" i think that when generalised like that it allows the reader to further place themselves into the desired emotion. all the last line in both stanzas i felt could be something like "to help as the years pass by" but instead of just saying pass you could say something that would convey a sence of time like creep or rush or mabye trickle or tick. The only other thing i thought of would be to change the word likelyhood in the second stanza and replace it with somethng more detrimental like " the crushing weight" or shattering or mabye opressive. i know its alot and sorry if i have oversteped a boundry i know how ican be sometimes if it is a really personal poem. i hope my input has helped :)
Mckay ELITE said...
on May. 31 2013 at 1:59 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

View profile
It is a somber poem. I was feeling disappointed in lots of people. But fortunately, all is well now. Thank you, Liv, for the concern and the feedback. I'll keep rocking no matter what. At least I hope so.
Mckay ELITE said...
on May. 31 2013 at 1:57 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

View profile
Thank you, MyApocalytic. I had a feeling you might like it. With the stars and hopelessness. Thanks. 
Mckay ELITE said...
on May. 31 2013 at 1:55 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

View profile
I love constructive criticism and appreciate whole-heartedly. I mean it. If you wanna discuss this piece more, by all means, do so. I'd appreciate it like I said. Anything to make it better. Thank you.
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on May. 30 2013 at 9:53 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

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Awwwww Mckay, don't feel down or depressed, this is amazing!! Also, we all have those moments when that one special friend betrays you, trust me I have definitely been there. I like that you put in some punctuation and the fickleness part. Very creative. A little somber. Great work, keep rockin
migwam ELITE said...
on May. 30 2013 at 3:40 pm
migwam ELITE, Tumwater, Washington
240 articles 20 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." --Marcus Aurelius

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Egads! This is fabulous! I am beside myself with fabulousness!
bree_bree GOLD said...
on May. 30 2013 at 10:49 am
bree_bree GOLD, Auburn, Kentucky
12 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
mistakes are made to be learned from.

View profile
I hope that constructive critisism is cool i really like this peice but as soon as i read it i had so many ideas on what would make it more effective and jaring to the soul just little things that that i felt would deeper engrave the emotions i felt hiding behind the words. i really dont mean to offend it is a really good peice the way it is honestly, if you wouldnt have a problem with it i would really like to work on this peice with you :) i can totally relate plus i love stars :)