Selfish

Weak

Pathetic

are the words

I heard

when I opened

my eyes


everything hurt

I was empty

and full

all at once


Where were the sirens

the loved ones gathered

or the dirt and black box

surrounded by flowers?


I was alone

once again

because no one

had noticed

ironic, isn’t it?

that my reasons for trying was the reason I was lying

there

for the second time

the empty bottle had slipped from my fingers

and blood stained the sheets

but there was no one there

to care about the mess

or tell me how stupid

I had been


later I would hear

that red hair dye

is not for bedrooms

and vacuums are not for spilled

medication

and can’t I be

just a little more careful?

of course

I say

because it’s better this way

when no one

sees

it coming