Pressure
That’s what I get
That’s how I feel
That’s what I see every morning when I wake up.
Perfection
That’s what they want
That’s what they wish
That’s what they expect every day when they see me fall.

In the streets
In the lights
In the eyes of the judgmental
In the hearts of the unknown
In the pits of the abyss where I’ve fallen
Expectations
In a gray cloud
Floating
Waiting for me to grab for it
Until it dissipates
Into nothing

It’s all I see
It’s all I hear
It’s all I want
It’s all I wish for

But I know it’s off the cliff
Away from me
On the ground
Where I can’t reach.

They used to tell me to be myself
That that’s all that matters
They used to tell me to smile and laugh
Live life and love God
Strive to be like Jesus but know that it’s impossible

Can’t they see the confusion?
Can’t they see the hopelessness, the starvation, the desperation?
Don’t they understand?
No, they don’t, because I don’t talk
I keep the tape on my lips, keep the words in my mouth, keep my hands together,
Holding them tight
So I don’t slip up and do something stupid