A pattern of failure
creates more failure
or at the very least
the expectation of failure
which is infinitely worse
because when good things do happen
when you get that smile out of that girl
when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror
and like what you see
you begin to doubt
and with the doubt springs the fear
of never being good enough
the micro and macro switching places
until the fear
grown like a parasite
begins to feed on the little obsessions
until they too are gone
and the fear remains
not to be cut away by the little cuts
not to be drowned in the booze
or lost in the needle and metal world of cavern like gyms
not to be purged by the vomit
or starved by the lack of food
Doubt
Planted no doubt
by the little heartbreaks and rejections
finally strong enough
to make a body its own
and to make the body putrify
and morph into the unnatural
so as to never lose its feeding ground