Two years ago, through blurry eyes
I wished on a star that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning;
that my bones would crumble
and become part of the soil once again.
I wished
that the constant pounding in my heart would cease
There’s a reason it’s called “rib cage”
Our hearts are trapped
and every pounding beat at our chest
is just one step closer to breaking the lock.
I’m setting mine free.

To my dismay
The next morning, I woke up
and the next
and the next
and the next.
I cursed the heavens for not hearing my prayers
But then I realized
“Give me life, Give me life”
is not a synonym for
“Take my life”
And my god, I swear
taking a needle and thread to my broken body parts
will always hurt less than letting my bones crumble
and my body shake with fatigue.

Doctors confirm my heart is still beating,
but I like to think it is applauding instead-
applauding me.
I feel my lungs expand with every breath I take
I’m alive.

Robert Frost said “to take the road less traveled”
But that concept
does not apply to my blood.
It shall take the only road it has ever known-through my veins
Without being disrupted
by an orange flashing arrow
pointing out of my wrists.
I’m alive.

My eyes blink back the tears
Forcing them to travel back into my brain
Washing away any previous thoughts of death.
I’m alive.
My legs feel the ground tremble under my strength
With every step
I’m alive.
I’m alive.
I’m alive.

I think that star did hear my plead
it just knew.
Or maybe what I wished on
was a star as dead as me
With only its light still shining next to mine.
Because humans are no different than the white beads
millions of light years away.
Our light still radiates
long after death is declared.
Or maybe
What I wished on
Was just
A plane.