I didn’t know
What really pain was
Until I looked into the eyes of a man
I loved as he just pushed me down
Didn’t care if it hurt
Didn’t care if I didn’t fight back
Because I was liking it
Or because I wanted to please him
Pain was seeing the blood
And knowing then that I couldn’t tell him
Because he wouldn’t care
True pain was knowing he wouldn’t care
But hurting myself because I had to tell him
Just because I wished I was wrong
I begged to be wrong
Pain was crying myself to sleep
Every night
Still crying every night
Pain was knowing it was my fault
I killed you
For that i’m sorry
Pain is knowing
No matter how hard I tried
I couldn’t make him love me
Pain was having people
Not care
Not stopping to see what was going on
Pain was not being able to look at him
Running the opposite direction
Pain is wanting to die
Wanting to see red
Pain is not wanting to wake up
Fearing sleep
Fearing the nightmares
True pain
Was looking into his eyes
And having him
Look away