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An Unconventional Rebirth
July 8, 2015
Bask in the sunlight of the morbid grace I have given you.
Realize that absence creates
Strength and improvement. Run from
River to
Forest to
Beach,
With the energy I pass to you.
No time for remorse, and no time to
Overthink the guilt and the pain.
Use the youthful bounce I leave behind,
Use it all,
So it will never be
Wasted.
On your heart, you will wear new traits.
Patches of my strength and brevity. But
Only sew the ones that bring you benefits.
Avoid stitching the
Abhorrence and
Intolerance and
Repressive
Scraps.
Be careful to never be too careful.
Although every familial thread is
Strung together with disagreement,
Listen to these words, feel the tough velvet of my regrets
And promise to make none of your own.
© Tatyana Z., Norwood, MA
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This article has 7 comments.
Angelique_h GOLD said...
on Sep. 27 2015 at 4:25 pm
I'm in LOVE! I love how you leave this piece open for interpretation by making it pretty general, yet it's so powerful! I love the vocabulary and subtle alliteration, it adds a lot to the poem. The title is also very alluring- it draws the reader in (it certainly drew me!) If you could check out some of my work, that would be great! My two most recent poems ('Fire and Ice' and 'LIp Balm') are the ones I'd really enjoy feedback on. :)
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 18 2015 at 8:36 pm
This is one of the best poems I have ever read, and I think it ranks even higher than any of my own (I rank my own pietry very high, but haven't yet posted any on teen ink.) everyone who writes for Teen ink and posts writes very well, but this is one of the best (in terms of poems) I have read. At first when I skimmed it, I didn't think it flowed smoothly enough and that there were too many scentences. But then I read it again, slower this time, and realized how well this poem is written. I loved the extensive language you used and the pauses are at the right times. You don't rhyme just to rhyme and it makes sense. The descriptions are very good and paint pictures in my head. Once again this poem was amazing and I loved it. You are a very great poet and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
lilycalla16 SILVER said...
on Jul. 16 2015 at 11:28 pm
The first time I read this, to be honest I didn't think much of it. But as I'm reading it a second time (out loud, to my sister haha) I'm actually falling in love! I think the first paragraph flows a little better than the second, however I LOVE the last two sentences "listen to these words....none of your own". As someone who has a lot of regrets I can really relate. Plus I also loved the forests/beach part, and overall I think this was a very well-written poem. With that said, I thought it would be funny to relay to you what my sister's reaction was (she's not a writer so please don't be offended): "I was overcome with... the big words". :'D
theblondechick GOLD said...
on Jul. 15 2015 at 10:39 pm
I am not good at giving feedback at poetry, but I'll try my best. I love the lines.. "Run from / River to / Forest to /Beach," and "feel the tough velvet of my regrets." Beautiful. I also like how the poem flows into a bigger picture. The "rebirth" is evidently there.I feel the energy and the passion in your word choice, but felt little myself. Maybe I didn't understand it like I should - I admit, I do not read a lot of poetry and mine is pretty crummy - but I felt like your heart wasn't in what you wrote. Regardless, it is a beautiful, uplifting poem. You are clearly talented. Keep up the good work. Happy writing!
I really like the new twist you've put on this poem. "Unconventional" is definitely the word for it. You have an interesting rhythm to your words, and I like how you connect these little details into a bigger picture. The second stanza is definitely the stronger of the two, in my opinion. I like how you string the details together there so that they cohere into one powerful message. This poem reminds me of Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart, which is a huge compliment because I love her writing. Have you read it? Either way, well done on this poem. You've definitely created a strong emotional impact.
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