When it was then
I dreamed about now
How life would be beautiful
How it would turn out

How it turned out
Is not what I thought
And my mind is wrought
With questions that taunt
And twisting and turning I ask what will be
Soon I believe I'll be free, I'll be free
But will I have everything I ever dreamed?
Like a flightless bird, will I fall to the sea?
Will the deep disbelief start strangling me?

Every day, every hour, each moment is heavy
Today makes tomorrow and tomorrow the next
Because I am paranoid I want to protect
The details and memories that will be completed
But I've gotta fight it, cause I know it's depleted
My trust in my Father, who's better and brighter
Who covers my heart and inside lights the fire
Although I do not know my life as a whole
I do understand that the time here is short

When it was then
I dreamed about now
How life would be lovely
How it would lay out
Like a path I could follow right down to the city
Where happy hard work would bring joy and fulfillment
Where people are pleasant, but honest and bold
Where I could be more than my demons have told
Where my mind was my prisoner, I kept it in line
Where without so much struggle, I could be fine

When it was then
I dreamed about now
How life would be glorious
How bliss would be found
But now that it's now
I think about then
How that time is gone
And I cannot pretend
That whatever I'm feeling will soon dissipate
So now with this energy I will create
A fortress of dreams, made with bricks thick and strong
How amazing life could be, if I only lean on
The might of the God who loves me and knows me
And now Lord I pray You would somehow grow me
Deeper into Your Spirit, Your purpose, Your song
That I'd follow Your callings until I belong
In the place where I am meant to make Your name known
As a place where grace spreads over lost souls
Like a salve healing our greatest wound
The loneliness and sorrow we rarely expose

But now is the time to think about now
Taking the then's and combining with how's
How when it is as it will be
I can reflect and clearly see
You were there all along, You are still with me
Because You are the visionary of my dreams