I remember being alone with very little people I trusted
I remember tear stained pillow cases missing the ones that left me
I remember one light shining through the darkness
I remember seeing  you again for the first time in four years
Just like before the butterflies came alive again in the deepest part of my stomach

I remember waking up cold with my blankets on the floor
I remember walking around town with my head down
I remember looking up every now and then looking for your face
I remember running as fast as I could and falling down anyways
Just like in the horror movies you caught me

I remember  how warm I felt waking up with your arms wrapped around me
I remember how safe I felt with you there
I remember singing in the shower and hearing your laughter outside the door
Just like a hyena it sounded…. terrible

I remember feeling like I just fell down a flight of stairs
I remember you holding my hand and picking up my pieces
Putting my Humpty Dumpty heart and body back together
I remember falling in love with your voice and the way your hands felt like they could heal my brokenness
Just like an angel I thought you had saved me

I remember the screams and the slamming doors
I remember the pain that never really stopped
I remember crying myself to sleep with you next to me
Just like you did when I would have nightmares
Except for this time you were the cause of them

I remember not wanting to wake up
I remember cutting and cutting until I couldn’t feel anything
I remember yelling and screams
Just like ours except more hurt than anger

I remember not being able to feel anything
I remember the look on your face when you saw what I had done
I remember the sound of the ambulance and the calming feeling as they laid me on the stretcher
Just like the time you picked me up and put me to bed

I remember the scars on my stomach and thighs that never really healed right
I remember a sore back and achy knees
I remember needles and the blood drip, drip, dripping
I remember thinking if that nurse takes any more blood I'll pass out
Just like I did when you dressed up like a clown

I remember the pain on your face when you saw them taking me away
I remember feeling nothing but regret for what I had just done
I remember the nurse looking at my scars searching for every last one
I remember her fingers tracing over each one like she was counting them
Just like you used to do

I remember waking up alone and feeling nothing but warmth
I remember being happy to be alive
I remember smiling and laughing like I had never ever before
I remember seeing you at the coffee shop on 41st and smiling
Just like nothing had ever happened