There’s something pleasant
About the smell after rain
Wafting over day old garbage
And week old pain
That sifts through months
Taints the years
Resting on the leaves like dew
Teasing like a knife through
Thin skin used to
Simple sin never forgiven
Easily forgotten
Like tonight’s moonlight
I relish in moments
Mere seconds of glory
Before abruptly returning
To a satisfactory yet plain
Reality
I stare off
Into the night sky
Wondering if she’ll
Ever notice
These stares of mine

The stars surround my eyes
Multitudes of multitudes
A speck in the sandy dunes
Of a universe so vast
Growing so fast
The distance between my heart
And reality
Grows everyday
Because while I wish for you
I know he’ll never let you cross my way
Not ever
I should be okay with fate
Should be
Believe me
Leave me
For now
And forever

Sunlight cascades
Down into the valley
Time slows to a standstill
Threatening the very essence of will
Blood stained tracks
And crimson tipped prints
Mark the victims
Of the oppressor
Breath ends
Where the trail begins
And our dying words
Are carried on by the winds

The words stop running
As the faucet starts foaming
The heart
What pours out every time
I pen a rhyme to let the hours fly
Beat the faucet
Beat it till it bleeds
It’s creaking, it’s crying
But I tell it to shut up
Real men don’t cry
Don’t shed a tear in hopes of being free
Take it
Shake it
Just don’t provoke it
Serving customers has me conditioned
I got head spinning and blurry vision
Sometimes it’s hard to breathe
The people can see
That I can’t see
And then the depression falls on me
Night and day
Day and night
Can’t sleep
Can’t dream
I live in a world
That’s black and white
They think it’s not right
But I’ve never cared
Where I go
Where I’m going
Where I’ve gone
Just listen to this song
Follow me along
Like the black clouds
That used to stop me
From seeing the hill
Now I see the slope
And the struggle gives me hope
That there’s life
On the other side
But for you, you
I’ll swallow my pride
And die for this time

Poetry starts where thought ends
Love begins
Where curiosity wins
Over social expectations
Truth flows
When the between
Expression and emotion
Falls
Progress is initiated
When hesitation grows weary
Of putting one foot forward
And then putting it back again
Time ends
When life begins
Quantifying joy in gladness
Not in hours
Or minutes
It lasts
You begin
When they end
Giving up the other life
To please the world
What about us
The loners
The forgotten
The unwanted ends
Of society’s loaf
Where is there a place
For us to feel free
Beaches of white sands
And waters crystal clear
The sanctuary of hope
Unashamed to strike down fear
What will become
Of a voice with much to say
But lacking the instruments
With which to speak
The lion without a mane
Will hold supremacy
But for a short time
So I fit you with weapons
In the form of words
Firing out at the enemy
With the point black efficiency
Of a rigid autistic’s rhyme

A northern light
So pure
Binding me in raw emotion
Free from fanatical dreams
That never relieve
Never suppress the need
For more
At first just once a night
Now every thought
Is an urgent flight
To a woman
Or many women
For a shot at an ounce
Of earnest respite
Towards this shining star
Resting assured in open arms
I give myself up
Maybe even a tear
At finally
Being
Free
Maybe I love you too
And you probably don’t
Could I change your mind
Or would you run away
Don’t pretend that I’m not true
Of all the women in the world
I run after you
When it comes to love
I’m always late
But I couldn’t arrive more early
At such a lovely fate
To finally pass by the other seven
And land on you
My fantastical eight
Of all the worlds to explore
I stake my mark on you
With shining slivers of silver
No one dare to cross
Of all the breaths drunk
By the fervent nostrils of man
I picked your eyes to behold
And the palm of your hand

Time
Spinning around our circles
Hanging on walls
Or counting up
Green digits
By our heads
Time
Dancing the rhythm
Of silent song
Monotonous beats unheard
Till we drop
And light is closed
Away
Time
We race it everyday
Some win, some lose
But whatever you make of it
Is yours to choose
I wish I had more time
These rhymes aren’t mine
Every sigh, every line
The rejection of love
Is a cynical crime
The object
Of my dangerous loving
Crafting these words
So genuinely cunning
The speed that it flies
Threatening to close on itself
And draw us to pitiable
Form that we took
When the waters were all we knew
I’m no slave to you
I have to let you go
I’m no slave to you
The chains you’ve fashioned
The lies you’ve told
They don’t hold up
No, not anymore
You could have done it any other way
Or any other time
But you had to pull me apart
One brick at a time
First my eye, then my heart
So I couldn’t see
What you were about to do
Later my hands, then my soul
So I couldn’t heal
What I knew you’d spoil
Bind me tight
Thrown into the fire
I saw the cities destroyed
You were the liar
Retire
Your demons whispered
To my virgin ears
Stuck me with forks
Slithering among the knives
You could never buy
My freedom
You are not the author
Of my time
So I shut the book
On your wretched reign
And slammed the door
The passing fancy
Never to come again

Sigh at a cracked screen
Still waiting for Rosa
To explain that meme
The words come out slowly at first
Then everything, everywhere
A runner winning a race
Quenching thirst
So much to say
I can hardly contain the thrill
Of writing in freedom
Without the use of a green pill
Desperate to reveal
Messages behind faded memories
I stay up
Late in dim light
Trying to find a quiet space
Every other night
Refreshing journal update
For the scribbles and screams
I never did dream

Circles, My Mind
Twist the railway of thought
Piling up catastrophe
All around the stench
Of death is near
Riots seem to unify
But they only express the fear
Circles, My Heart
The veins and arteries
Passport to hijackers
Driving steaks into desire
Attaching life to a socket
Drain it all away
Take my name. Take it all!
My breath, I don’t even claim
Circles, My Love
Five alarm fire when I see her
Face burns crimson
When I listen to her breathe
A hand puts all at ease
And a smile travels at warp speed
To a soul in dire need

Black is all
That traps me
Outside sees evil
Murderer my name
Punishment is game
When I roll a six
Roll up the sleeves, bury
The hatchet
Little white lies always
Do the trick
He alleys snitch
On sidewalk confessions
Men stand around the chalk
Grey skies balk
When you say you’re troubled
Have you seen
All the terrors of human possibility
They have
And writers capture
The memory
In moments
For all to see
For all
To read on

Trouble comes to everyone, they say
But not the same day or night
Among rain or shine
The tick of time is hardly attune
To the schedule of misfortune
The proportions of adept extortion
Takes their toll on the heart
Of the broken
The tarantula can repel
Only so many wasp stings
Before it falls
Thus the bee proves
Determination prevails
Over strength
But sometimes he whole sky falls
Every turn is a window blown out
The floor is a vortex of death
And death is upon us now

Though trenches
And landmines
Every step
One breath deeper
Into no man’s land
Rain turns footing
Into an ascent always pretending
To pause
Is to accept death
The stones are all half-engraved
They just need a signature
To stop
Is to throw yourself
At hell’s door
We all say one time
Or another
I will never end up like him
But don’t we all
For with every sunrise
Or every count
Of infinity we can hardly name
We too live and fall
All the same

You see me bleeding out
You see the sky falling apart
You see them pack their bags
Runaway from me
I’m too slow to stop them
Our vows, he had forgotten
But we didn’t match
Never will
The pain is great
The surprise, worse
I shall forever be stuck
Between love and hate
Procrastination and anger
Forevermore
As I watched her
Toss a bottle through the window
And my heart went up
In flames

There comes a time
When I have to bleed
The silence numbs the steady
Withdrawal
Into the bag
Collection above
Fading light
Stings of solemn correction
Death before yet another resurrection
When will I get this right?
Swirling sadness
Above my chest
Is it the sickness?
Or her complexion
Blue eyes never seemed
So empty
When the light
Seemed so pretty
I never gave a straight answer
Tried to keep her safe
Protected from the monster
Eating me alive
Turns out it was me
Lacing her home with honey
And heart drenched in fire
I lined her up
Head and shoulders away
Striking her cold
Her breathes near to retire
Sudden heat on my wrist
Doctors couldn’t remove the cyst
Drugged up and living

There is strength
That comes from darkness
My surrogate mother
Yet to show her face to time
I can feel her hands upon my life
And watch her breath melt away the ice
Keeping me from knowing her fully
When there is something
She is when there is nothing
Quietly she puts me to rest
With solemn whispers of her beloved dreams

Exponentially different
Inside and out
Watching quietly
The followers and the angst
Begin to mount
Expectation brings pressure
Earned or given
They allow no room for breath
Or watch another take it
The angst begins to mount
Neurologically diverse
For too much for most
To care about
Until you tread on assumption
Then war until the end
You have to go home
Walking through the days
Life seems to quickly go by
A friend here, acquaintance there
But no one for the journey
At the end of the page
Time can crawl
When you’re alone
I was trying to find
A forever home

It’s over
The clouds finally part
After hours of mockery
The sun hurries back
Noticing his watch is three hours late
Enough to shed light
But not to save
The seventeen lost
On a sickening day
Clouds of thick green
Sweeping over the plains
Funnels of black smoke
Moments piled upon everlasting
It seemed the world would surely tear apart
The train pulls out the station
But all the passengers are dead

Through the wind
Past the rain
There’s a silence
That heals the insane
The wild, racing part of me
Never kept in check
By a voracious heartbeat
Dying to love you more
But hiding it all in life
Manic meltdowns
Leading to tear soaked pages
And curses uttered
From bottomless agony
Never meant to harm
But to release me
From the grapple of
The darkness
I still somehow
Can’t escape

Run roughshod over my heart
Shred it with nine inch nails, laugh and mock
As you fulfill your destiny to tear me apart
I can barely hear your voice over concrete and rock
Courtship dance with no end
I fell in love with the mistress of sin
The day does not start, the night will never begin
Until you lick my wounds and consent we are friends
Closer and close until I fell into you
Twister over the Kansas plain I never knew
How deathly darkness could seem so true
Lovely, my lover, your voice seems new
Every morning and each night
Her hips shake the sadness from my mouth
And her tongue kisses the last bits of life
God I’m drowning in her essence, it feels so right
This cure and curse you’ve brought
Saving me from tomorrow
I’ll forever be trapped in today
Too willing to crawl
When I’m sad, I cry
Into horns and harpoons I fall
Victorious
In spite of everything they said
Victorious
Even though we only get glory once dead
Victorious
In these poems that are bled
Victorious
In the words that aren’t said
Night and day I fight a battle against you
These feelings I have aren’t even close to new
Sometimes I feel so left behind, but you knew
Sly grin, haughty chin, it can’t be true
They say they’re active but they’re hardly aware
How I love your lips and the way you do your hair
Caught you by surprise? I see you everywhere
But the will top take your hand, ask you out just isn’t there
We’re far more alike than they ever say
But our seismic differences keep getting in the way
I could hope and dream, and I do everyday
But call a timeout, coach I can’t play
I like you girl and you would know it
If I had a normal brain that could show it
Talk to you, laugh with you, show some emotion
Barriers breaking down in devotion
But I haven’t found it
Either that, or you’re still in the closet
Don’t worry, I was there too
Afraid to be me, I missed so much, that’s true
Now I’m victorious
Autistic as can be
No longer in need of your sanity
I stand on the inside of your outside
My life, my words come from insanity
Less is more, more is less
When you’re victorious
Like me

Indecisive
And anxious
I stand in the rain
Door is right there
Do I go up
Knock
Change my life
For the better
So much confusion
I sit on the steps
Ponder the passion
Irrational immobility
At the thought of turning away
Risk future for now
This seemed easier in my head
Faced now with certain damage
I hate it when things
Don’t satay the same
Think it through
What matters most to you
Or her
Life’s a blur
I can’t consent
I remember anything
Except I’m bent
Was leaning
Towards yes
Slow to say no
I don’t know
Where to go
The breeze shudders
Locked door
Trees bow and break
All around me
I see the clouds spin
Still I can’t go in
Not yet
The water rise
We’re on the line
So I drown
Forever running out of time

Warm winds blow over dusty lands
Grasses shrink underneath bare rocks
And trees link arms
Sun is afraid to shine
Upon what is to come
They want no part
Waters rise high above us
Oblivious towards what is coming
We humans, so fictiously cunning
Berating mother earth
In danger of becoming nothing
Once the waves come
And waters rise above the dams
Damn humanity
Damn our need to be powerful
When we should only seek to be at peace
Now lives are swept away
By torrents of rain, too much to drain
Now I see brave men
Drop in from airplanes
Save me please, save me
So I might live another day
This is for the aspies
Locked way in their rooms
Drawing, writing, reading, singing
Trying to fight off the anxious meltdown
Sure to come soon
This is for the aspies
That couldn’t get homeschooled
And had to suffer in public school
I cant imagine what that was like
And if you got through, thank you, but it’s not right
This is for the aspies
Who wear the same outfit everyday
And flap their hands when excited
I see the stutters, stares, and stumbles
And I love it
Because this is for the aspies
That don’t get the recognition they deserve
I’ve seen the hands and heard the tongues that produce beautiful words
Works of science, art, and math
Or maybe something simple like just making their own path
This is for the aspies
You never see, but always find
Too anxious, too shy to notice the time
They’re there, but won’t trust
Their own voice
This is for the aspies
The ones that can’t find love
Or don’t know what to do with it
You’re amazing no matter what they say
No matter
This is for the aspies
I’m crying for you, I love hearing you
Because my own home is yours
Connected and tired of the correction
Your home is mine
This is for the aspies
Broken but not without fight
Or riding free, with everything going right
This is gospel for us all
Don’t let the outside take our life

I’m addicted to the excitement
The rush of opening a page
The clicks, the loading bar
Enthralling, it’s calling
I’m feeling inside her body
Don’t. Wake. Me. Up
I’m lost in a world of color and charisma
Sweeter than  splenda
But just as short-lived
Because hey wouldn’t all them highs
If they didn’t have lows
I’m undressing, the overdose has kicked in
A life of double minds I must love representing
Now the sun’s up ,and I haven’t slept
Wonder how much life I have left

Full pockets
but empty hearts
souls in the dredges
but naked breasts drowning
in the earnings of husbands
strip the world bare
and see the pain
cover the world in a sheet
and see the virgin blood
cover one eye
and see enough death for a lifetime
cover both and hear
enough tears to make the Nile feel shame
cry me a river
politicians and presidents
commissioners and consumers
but you cannot drown out the siren song
of this dying planet
and the souls chained to her bow
take us to Mars
but can you take back the convictions
wrongful but steadfast
run through my heart an iron mast
and it will keep me from enduring
but that’s what they hope
we forget to hold on
so I do
as the setting sun as my guide
I walk the streets at night
Alone, with blood on the tip of my tongue
I bit it again, anxious and aware
Of the darkness surrounding me
The muses I date are the images
I try to be
I bite the bullet and walk right through it
Now I’m empty again with nothing to show for it
Spilling white ink onto empty pages
I craft a heart and soul for the faceless
Breath and bones for the nameless
Blood and mind for the precious
One I call poetry
Defeating me and restoring you
All in a night’s work
Hiding in the close corners
Of a shadow-boxed city
Lying under bridges holding cardboard
Waiting for you to forgive me
I’m homeless in a mansion of words
Thirsty beside the waters of a life
That keeps on giving
Quitting would have been easier
Less expensive
But ironically more shameful
Because in ending, I give no second chance
And who am I to alter his plans
Trudging the barren lands stripped by man
Garments thrown aside in ravenous desire
Taking all from the virgin
He is left nothing, but rebellious children
And a divorcee
I gain no honor in baring the truth
Because I am just like you, without a single clue
As to what this all means
watch the skies, dark and dreary
The comets are children eyes, so weary
At watching night and day
Without any guidance but to pray
An existence without limits
Is the story I just cannot finish
These words are my failures
For you all
To witness

Witness him
Standing out on the rain soaked street
Thunder greets him with a haughty eye
And the clouds ask God
To give him a handful of five
Why
Just an innocent man
Just an innocent man trying to live
Just an innocent man trying to find happiness
So he straddles the stop sign
Cigarette stained teeth twinkle
Danger close
A shadow approaches
And he slyly sticks out his foot
It’s a woman he tripped
And she’s pretty, to boot
Sudden eagerness for words
And she begins to walk away
But a muscular, blood covered hand
Shoves the butt into her face
Smile, baby girl
And let me see your package
Pressing his malevolent body against hers
He makes little of her garments
She’s barely fifteen
But he doesn’t care
She’s just another body to ravage
Just another body to fill his screen
And cheer his teams
To parade heavyweights
While he gets hung
Lower and lower sinks his pitiable state
Kissing and flirting away
As if they’re samples for your taste
He finishes her off
And pinches her cheek
She has to live, she has to pass
His ugly, detestable path
Without warning for fear of scorn
His thorns have a new desire is born
To be seen and not heard
And the subtle subjection
Maybe worst of all

No one considers
The plight of man
The autistic man
Cunning but curious
At the things he must do
To feel such emotion
Power and powerlessness
In the palm on control
He never knew
We grow up as outcasts
Because we don’t know
How to play
Special interests dominate
What we think, do
And say
Selfish we must be
To put out of our minds
Everything
Except for this magical thing
We cannot seem
To do without
Our posture is funny
As is our fashion sense
The way we hold our hands
Or stare into the crowds
We may be silent
But in ignorance of our presence
Breaking normality
We speak loud
Growing up takes a toll
No friends in school
Or very, very few
Unable to be ourselves
Or else attacked
By you
Who don’t recognize
The beauty
In neurological difference
The possibility
With our magic
Exponentially endless
But we keep it locked away
Hoping to survive
Another day
Before you discover us
The mask
Is stripped away
Love is equally understood
But not in finding another
Who thinks the same
Frightened by bare honesty
Ashamed by difference
And brain washed by culture
That they need a strong
Muscular
Out going man
They ignore us
Laugh at our advances
I see these things
And know them
Because I lived them too
I will never be accepted
By the majority of you
Consider the plight
Of the autistic man
And ask yourself
If all there is to one
Is what you see
How can you ever accept
The infinity
That will set all beings fee
I don’t know what the world
Will to do us
I don’t know if you will ever
Have what we want
But through this poem
Being read by you
No longer can you say
I never knew