“I wonder if it does anything” I mutter to myself picking it up and waving it around. It's some kind of oddly straight stick I just found sitting on an ancient altar that randomly appeared in the woods behind my house. I wave it around widely and my house, a nearby rock, and my neighbor all explode. I stare at the slightly moist pile of ash where my neighbor used to be. I always hated that guy. I stare at the altar. It bothers me. It shouldn't be there. I move it on top of where my house used to be and take a step back. No, still not right. Oh well. I wave the wand at it and it turns into a fluffy pink hippo and floats away.  Now I am confused. I thought the wand just blew things up but apparently it does other things too. While thinking about this I notice my car is completely unharmed. I look at my house. It is completely destroyed. I decided to drive around and find a new one. 

As I walk to my car I decide to test the stick.  I start to think about lizards. The wand starts to shoot out lizards like a fire hose. I begin to think about lizards more. The velocity and amount of lizards increases. There are lizards all over the street and surrounding houses. My neighbors are all screaming now and I'm about knee deep in live lizards. I try to stop thinking about lizards and the lizard fire hose stops. I  think very hard about hawks. A red haze begins to gather around me as a jet of hawks slaw into the ground at very high speed. I give up, turn off the hawk jet and go to what is left of my driveway and get in my somehow unharmed if lizard covered car. The street is very bumpy until I turn off the street, then it's only moderately bumpy. Eventually I get past all the bumps and drive towards Washington DC. 

As I drive I wish I could remember what I'd been taught in driving school. About how to merge lanes correctly. I'm managing just fine thinking of hurricane force winds and blowing cars out of the way, but somehow I don't think that's how you're meant to do it. I begin to wonder why my  teacher even let me pass the driving test. He was some Islamic dude, super chill. I loved him. I remember he got a phone call from some middle eastern sounding guy like a day  before 9/11. Then he passed my test without me ever getting in the car. Then he took the car and drove away rapidly. Great guy. I wonder how he's doing right now. 

Eventually a police officer starts yelling at me to pull over. I stop by the side of the road and he pulls up behind me. He walks up and says “Do you know why I pulled you over?” “No, I do not officer” I respond. He sighs and says into his radio “We've  got another one.” “Another what?” I ask. “Idiot who cant drive” he replies absentmindedly “could I get your driver's license and registration.” “Absolutely no”t I say “ you called me an idiot.” Then I slam a pedal all the way to the ground aaaaand it's the wrong one. “One moment” I say. And press the correct pedal all the way down. As I speed off he is out of sight before he even gets in his car. 

As I arrive in Washington still blasting cars out of my way. I watch the buildings go by looking for one that looks homey. All of a sudden I hear a helicopter go overhead and a loudspeaker tell me to step out of my car with my hands up. I however am not in the mood and throw a passing semi at the helicopter. Next thing I hear is jet engines and a high pitched whistle before the road in front of me explodes. I slam on the brakes except I hit the wrong pedal again and speed through the fire and ramp up a tank that just pulled into the road. As my car and I  smash into the tank I notice the sudden lack of cars and the appearance of tanks. Very interesting I'll probably take one, my cars pretty scratched up from nearly getting blown up then smashed into a tank. I use the wand to pick the tank up and throw it at another tank. Then I transform my car into a sports car and zoom into another tank throwing me out the windshield  and splattering me on the tank. And that children is why you always buckle up