Sting- and Doubly Stung | Teen Ink

Sting- and Doubly Stung

July 28, 2010
By Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments

Here’s some advice for the next time you attempt something very risky and/or dangerous: don’t wait in a an underground parking garage beforehand if you can help it.
Cheap orange lighting highlights the pipes running along the ceiling, but creates deep black shadows in odd places for no apparent reason. You could hide pretty much anything. There’s a big basketball game tonight- or maybe football, I don’t know or care- and the garage is packed with people coming, going, parking, swearing at the guy who just took the one open spot. The engine sounds bounce off the walls, which is distracting. It smells like concrete, dust, and exhaust.
Maybe it’s that smell, or maybe the noise, or even the harsh lights, but everyone is on edge. “I don’t like it,” says Evan, shifting in the driver’s seat next to me. “There really couldn’t be a worse place for us.”
His voice jerks me out of my own thoughts. “Hm?”
“Look around,” he says, gesturing around. “We couldn’t possibly lock this down- there’s five buildings that connect directly to the garage, not to mention three or four street entrances. Even though we’re underground, there’s elevators, stairs, emergency exits, maintenance access, not to mention the ventilation and plumbing systems. And then you have thousands of people coming and going right now.”
I think for a minute. “You want to know what could be worse? Times Square. Anywhere in China. Dubai.”
He shrugs and tilts his head. He didn’t really want an answer. We sit in silence for another few seconds.
“Do you think he’s coming?”
I consider for the sixth time today what I know of Damon, and for the sixth time today I arrive at the same answer. “He has nothing to gain by staying away. And he said he’d be here- I believe him.”
“You’ll be careful, right?”
I roll my eyes. He presses. “This is important, you know. We’re in serious trouble if we can’t get him into custody. And Damon is dangerous.”
“Yeah,” I say carelessly. “Everyone ready?”
Evan checks his watch- unnecessarily, since the car’s clock is right in front of him. “They should all be in position.”
“See you later, then.” And I get out of the car.
He opens his door. “Wait.” I turn. “You forgot about your earpiece.”
“Oh. Yeah, that would have been bad.” I take it out and hand it to him.
“Good luck,” he says, and the door closes.
I move an appropriate distance away from his car, to where we’re supposed to meet, and start pacing. Hopefully I look convincing. I scan the crowd, but don’t see Damon yet. He should be here to meet me any minute- I think of his instructions. Number one: Meet in lot 3B at six PM.
The concrete dust smell is annoying. I rub my nose.
It’s a sting- simple enough. Damon shows up, I hand over the drive, he pays me, and at the last minute we arrest him. There’s at least a dozen others around me, undercover- I see Agent Garcia exiting an elevator about a hundred feet away.
Suddenly, coming from the other direction, I see a tall man with red-brown hair, black eyes, a backpack, and an unzipped jacket approaching. He looks ordinary, just another guy on his way to watch some football (or basketball)- but I recognize him.
He comes up to me. “Excuse me, but do you know where lot 4D is?” An apologetic smile. “I just can’t seem to find it, and they’re all starting to look the same.”
Number two on the instruction list: how we identify each other. His words match exactly, and I give the correct response. “Sorry, but I’m not really sure. I’m just waiting for a friend.”
He leans against the concrete wall and glances around. Just us. Number three: we both come alone. I’ve already broken that one, though he doesn’t know it- I spot Agent Whyte in a silver Honda.
“Do you have the files?” Damon asks.
“Do you have the money?” I ask right back. It’s breaking another rule (Six- don’t ask about payment, it annoys him), but I figure that it’ll sound more authentic.
While his face doesn’t change, his eyes harden. He shifts slightly, so his jacket falls open, and I see inside- he’s armed. I glance back at his face.
“Listen to me, and listen close,” he says evenly. “I’m going to explain this to you. I intend to let you walk out of here alive and unhurt. But you have to cooperate, and if you don’t, things will go very badly. You’ve read the instructions, and you have to follow them. Understand?”
I feign nervousness at the threat- swallow and nod. I’m not scared- a young couple strolls past, with a baby carrier covered with a pink blanket. There’s no baby in it. Agents Royce and Henderson…
Damon continues, still in that even voice. “Do you have the files?”
“Yeah.” I reach into my front pocket and pull out a flashdrive.
“Good.” He turns and pulls a laptop out of his backpack. “Give it to me, please.” Instruction number four: he’ll check the contents and authenticity of the drive before paying.
He holds the laptop with one arm and plugs in the drive with another. I wait for a moment while he works, watching the garage. Somebody walks past, and I notice the vague shape of a gun in his pocket. I don’t recognize him- must be a new guy. I make a mental note to find and talk with him later- even though most people wouldn’t even notice it, he still needs to be more careful about hiding his weapon.
Damon continues to scan the contents of the drive, and unplugs it after a minute or two. “Yep, it’s real all right,” he says, closing the laptop. Of course it is. We couldn’t fool him with a fake. But now we have to be doubly sure we get him- we can’t allow him to leave here with the contents of those files.
“Yes, they are real,” I agree tersely. “I said I’d bring them and I did.”
I notice a guy a few rows over, sitting in his car and watching. Doesn’t look familiar. I wonder who it is…
“And so here,” Damon says, digging in his pocket, “is your cash.”
Number five: a fifty-thousand dollar payoff.
I take the envelope and flip through it quickly- it’s all there.
Evan is five stalls down, still in the car, and I catch a glimpse of his face. Why is he looking so worried?
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
Number seven: he’ll leave. I’ll wait five minutes and then exit via the northwest elevator.
Except that we’re not going to get to that point, because Damon will be in handcuffs within the next two or three minutes. I glance around surreptitiously- maybe three dozen people who look like undercover agents in the immediate area. Wow. That’s twice as many as I’d expected…
Damon lingers for a moment, looking me in the eye. Odd. “You know,” he says quietly, “it’s very lucky for you that you didn’t try to double-cross me.” Unmistakable menace. “You didn’t, did you?” His tone conveys suspicion bordering on certainty.

Tension fills the air- the orange lights seem to be getting harsher. I glance around again and suddenly realize a lot of things in two seconds.

I only recognize about half of the ‘agents’ in the area. Adrenaline is leaking into my veins. Evan looks like he’s on the verge of panic. There probably was no ‘new guy’- and I’m probably not the only person to break rule three.

Things are going to get very interesting very fast.

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This article has 13 comments.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 7:44 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 425 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

Love it! One problem: NEED MORE (another problem: only talk. in two. word sentences!! help me!! XP

on Jan. 23 2012 at 4:13 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments
Thank you. Unfortunately, I'm more confident with my scenes that build tension than the ones that actually release them- which is why I go with cliffhangers so often. It's a habit I should probably fix, since I hate it when other writers do it to me. :)

on Jan. 23 2012 at 10:44 am
Hawthorn BRONZE, Nowheresville, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Know Thy Enemy" Sun Tzu

I enjoyed the last line but I have to say that you are a very cruel person for writing such a gloriously adrenaline pumping last line with no intention of ever filling us in on what happens... Beyond that I enjoy this style of writing very much and have been a fan of your work for a while. Thank you for writing such exciting escapes from the tedium of my regular life. Your talent is very much appreciated.

on Jan. 22 2012 at 7:05 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 231 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

can anyone say "Favorite" five times fast? the last line is perfect.

on Jul. 27 2011 at 6:22 pm
yousaypotato... SILVER, Peacedale, Rhode Island
9 articles 1 photo 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a best friend will be sitting right there with you saying 'Dang, we really screwed up this time.'"


on Apr. 27 2011 at 6:33 pm
Stormyflight GOLD, Arlington, Ohio
16 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
I finally admited God was God
-C.S Lewis
Humans are amphibous. Our spirit makes us eternal while the animal binds us to time.
-C.S Lewis lol, you know that point where you think you are becoming a good writer and out of nowhere someone comes along and blows you out of the water and makes you want to do better? well, you just did that, great peice of art my friend, fantastic.


iDogrocker said...
on Aug. 9 2010 at 3:12 pm
iDogrocker, Lebanon, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 78 comments
Lol. What can you expect with a first grade teacher for a mom? It's certainly taught me to be a good editor :)

on Aug. 9 2010 at 12:32 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments
Ooh, thanks for pointing that out. I'd missed the 'a an' thing while proofreading. (The lack of an 'and' before 'swearing at the guy' was intentional- while I know it's bad grammar, it's an attempt to sound a little more realistic. Glad you caught it though, because some teens aren't quite so attentive to their grammar... ;)

iDogrocker said...
on Aug. 8 2010 at 6:43 pm
iDogrocker, Lebanon, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 78 comments
Woah, awesome! Love the ending, especially. I love the intensity throughout the scene. You did a good job describing the setting and you set up the story well. I only saw two things that could stand to be fixed; in the first sentence where you use "a," and "and," and secondly, where you describe what people in the parking garage are doing, the closing line needs to start with, "and swearing at the guy who just took the one open spot," or end with an ellipsis (...). Other than that, I didn't see anything that needed reworking. Good job :)

on Aug. 7 2010 at 10:32 pm
Healing_Angel SILVER, Sydney, Other
8 articles 2 photos 509 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live for today, not for tomorrow

I like this!

inspir3d GOLD said...
on Aug. 6 2010 at 8:51 pm
inspir3d GOLD, Norcross, Georgia
11 articles 2 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
We're all just looking for attention, to be discovered overnight. We're all frustrated by the popular ones that claim the limelight before they fall to pieces. So many of us are stuck under the radar--what makes me different? You decide!

I REALLY love this. A lot more than some of the things that are top rated, i have to say. My favorite part was "There's no baby in it. Agents Royce and Henderson". Way to use the power of the short sentence. There's so many stories about spies and things, but so few of them are well written. Great job!!

you should definatly make this into a book. i really think you would like my story The Choice. Keep writing!!


on Aug. 6 2010 at 3:18 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments
I was probably going to end it there- I didn't really think beyond the ending of this.

Strike_Eagle said...
on Aug. 6 2010 at 1:40 pm
Strike_Eagle, Warm Springs, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 33 comments
I like the story.  Are you going to let the story end there, or are you going to continue it?