Part 1
Into the light

      Dirt.

      Fresh dirt is where my home was.

      At least I think it was there.

      It’s been a long time since than.

     My tale is a long and sorrowful one. I shall tell you, if you are willing to listen.

     I am a potato, no, THe potato. My army is camping in Idaho, and someday we will take the world and potatoes will no longer have to live in fear.
   
     But for now, I have time… I will tell you, dear reader, my story.

     5 months ago, I was but a tiny tater at the edge of maturity. All I ever knew in life was me, and my friend, the tiny tater whose den was next to mine. We could use our potato telepathy to communicate. We had a happy life.

     Had.

     One day, we heard a noise outside of the dirt. I asked friend what was going on. Friend didn't know. Then came the other sound. Thunk Thunk Chunk. “There’s another one”, said the voice outside of the soil. I didn't understand at first. I wasn’t as smart as I am now. I asked my friend what was going on.

     There was no reply.

     I asked again. Instead I found emptiness. Where did it go? I wondered. Next I heard more Thunks. Directly overhead.

     I panicked. I did want to go poof by the magic of the thunk-thunks. I yelled at other life in the area. There was just slime tubes and hard shells. Oh and silver life, the liquid that brought me to life. The thunks got nearer and suddenly THUNK. A harsh glare brighter than shiny rocks that glitter in the soil covered me. I cowered beneath it, feeling the glare clawing at my life force. A thing was lowered into my home. It was soft and pinkish. A voice said, “yep, that’s the last of them.

     I was raised out of my home and into the light.

     The clawing, glaring light.

    I was put into a new home with many potatoes. The home was bad, swinging side to side and throwing me and my fellow potatoes side to side. The home was full of frightened thoughts, crowding around and begging for attention.

     What's going on!

     GET ME OUT!

     Ah taters, this is terrible!

     A terrible end to a terrible day.

     BE QUIET!

     The last voice was me.

     The other potatoes were shocked into silence. The new home was displeasing. We were tossed out onto a rough surface. I was surprised when I felt thoughts of the surface. Something so big being alive astounded me. It was flat and seemed to have four legs. However my potato sense was fuzzy and I wasn't sure. I commingled with the mind. I asked it where we where. When the mind did not respond, I probed deeper. With a horrified gasp, I put as much space between its mind and mine, for it was dying. Dying and I couldn't do anything. I dimly heard a voice say, “Mary look at this table. Bought it in the market. Only ‘bought a day old.” The ‘tables’ mind gave a lurch and stopped thinking. I was sad. Death should never happen.

      I felt a new feeling well up in me. Hate. Hate for the pink things that could talk causally while life ebbed from another creature. Who did they think they were? I tried to commingle with them, but their minds were snapped shut, like a slime tubes mouth around a piece of grass. I used my potato sense to get an overall view of the creatures. The creature had 5 legs that seemed to work quite well with each other. There was a problem though. The mind's I detected were higher up. With some difficulty I sent my potato sense far, farther than it has ever gone before. With a shock I realized the creatures were far larger than I supposed. They were larger, if that was possible then the table itself. My confidence waned. What were these powerful creatures?

     “That's nice Warner, but you should have just dumped the potatoes into the sink”. This voice was softer than the other one’s, but still rough. The rough voice said, “That’s the last of the potatoes, it's fitting’ that they be our dinner.”I wasn’t sure why, but the word dinner struck fear in my heart. Back in the bad home us potatoes went. This time we were dumped on another table, but this one was very small and had no legs. The other creature, the one with the softer voice rummaged in another thing made from the same dead creatures as the table. It brought out a very sharp stone, one that had a different stone handle and a shiny stone sharp part.

     Than it struck a potato with it.

     The potato’s screams were quickly cut out as it struck the potato again and again, chopping it into tiny pieces. It was gruesome. I had to look away. The air stank with fear as it moved onto the next potato. My mind raced as I thought of ways to escape. I tried to roll away, but I couldn't. I was to weak. Another potato down. And another. When it reached me, I closed my eyes and waited for the sharp stone to cut me down. I was surprised when instead when the pink grabber grabbed me and put me inside the belly of a table creature. It shut the skin flap and all was dark, just how it was before.

Part 2
Into the Dark

     I examined my surroundings. I was in the belly of a table beast. There were two other potatoes along with me. One of them seemed a little familiar…

     The belly flap was opened again and in was tossed a long thing. It was a creature I had never seen before. It was long and wrinkled with hair sticking out of it. One end of it was pointed while the other end was rounded. On the rounded end was a green tuft of hair. I watched as it stirred. Ohhh… where am I, it thought. We are in a table beast, I thought back. It became fully awake. Who's there! it thought warily. I could already sense it's mind curling back into defensive position. You tell me, I thought. What are you? The thing hesitated, than said I'm a carrot, most sophisticated organism on the planet. And you?

     I'm potato, I said simply. And we need to find a way out of here.

     The carrot was slow to respond. Than finally it said. I have a plan. What is it? I asked. Push the flap open, said the carrot. But how?, I asked. I am not powerful enough to move. Neither am I , said the carrot. But we may be one day. I mind snorted. Yeah right. Compared to the pink beasts, and even the table beasts, we might be just mere inanimate objects, to use for their own amusement, not caring if lives were lost because of that. Stupid or not, the carrot was right. I needed to move.

     Time passed. I lived on stores of water in me, but I wondered how long it would last. I also struggled against the substance surrounding me, trying to move it out of the way. It was invisible, but oppressive. I could feel it there. The pink beasts took other things out of the table beast and put things back in. I couldn’t help wondering when it was my turn.

     Then one day, I heard a sound. I cast my conscious towards the carrot and gasped. It's mind was in a different place! I did it potato, the carrot said. I moved. I was amazed. I vowed to try harder to move.

     Day after day I struggled. The carrot seemed able to move wherever it wanted to, and was very smug about it. After another fruitless struggle, I stopped. Maybe I had the wrong idea? Instead of trying to move the substance, which I now know is air, I tried to move myself. To my surprise it was easy. Yay!, said the carrot. It had gotten a lot less stuck up over time.

     The victory was short lived. The table beast opened and the pink creature took me with it's queer mini legs. It put me on the flat table beast and got the sharp stone. It was now or never. I pushed myself off the table beast and fell for what seemed like hours. I finally hit another table beast, this one huge. I pushed myself across it. I tumbled across the table beasts, seeking refuge from the pink creatures. From what I could tell, the pink creatures dens were squarish with multiple squarish compartments connected by small openings. I rolled my potato body through one of those compartments, trying to get to the last one to exit the den. The pink creatures, getting over their astonishment gave chase.

     It was a desperate race for the exit opening. I would have lost many times over, except the pink creatures were still surprised and moved slowly. I finally reached the exit opening and prepared to thrust myself out of it. The hard - voiced pink creature lunged at me, but grabbed nothing but air. I had thrust myself at the entrance with all my might. I was about to roll out but then-

WHAM!!!

     My potato body smashed into an unforeseen obstruction, a huge flap of table beast. I recoiled a bit, stunned. Than the pink creatures sntached me up and tossed me back into the table beast compartment, the very one I had tried so hard to escape.

Part 3
Red and Orange

    Nice try consoled the carrot.

    I was so close I communed. I’ll need more strength if I want to bust past the obstruction.

     Keep trying, the carrot said helpfully. But next time, wait for the rest of us.

     For a moment I was a little guilty that I had left my friends behind. That moment passed.

     Whatever, I said, straightening up the best I could being a potato. I’m really tired, I should get some rest. I flopped down onto the hard surface of the table beast. The carrot also flopped down. For a long time we were all silent. All we could hear was the noise of pink beasts bickering and yelling the same thing over and over.

     The table beast flap was opened. Strange yellow creatures who were vaguely shaped like the pink creatures grabbed me and all the other plants in the table beast cage. The yellow creatures had some sort of reflective stone covering their faces. We were all thrust into a strange metal stone which had thin walls. The cage was old, very old and reeked with the terror of other occupants at the time. A scrawny gray furred animal who twitched at every small noise, An oddly shaped purple carrot, and a white carrot. The cage was closed with a damp thud and was lifted into the air. The yellow creatures set off briskly in their loping gait and opened the table flap that I had tried to get past and strode off into the light.

     Again the light clawed away at my life source and again I struggled to keep my life. The cage was shoved into a bigger cage and the big cage was shut. The big cage suddenly started moving and we were all bounced around in the cage.

     I did not remember much as I bounced around in the cage, but I will try to recall the events the best I can.

    The light still shone very harshly.

    I got cut at the top of my being.

    The carrot smashed into the white carrot.

    White juice was on the floors…

     The cage finally halted and it was opened. The small cage was taken out and taken briskly to a large white building.

     We need a plan the carrot thought, bumping into the side of the cage. I can’t think with all this smashing and crashing and smashing and crashing and-

     I get it, carrot said as he got stuck between two bars of the cage. Maybe I can harm these creatures. I can probably get through these bars if I tried hard enough. How would I harm them?

     I was about to say that I didn’t know when I thought of the white juice on the floor of the cage. Here’s how, I said.

     I relaid the plan to the carrot.

     The yellow creatures seemed to be reaching their destination because they were slowing down. The carrot levitated himself through the bars of the cage. He reared up high. And swiftly propelled himself towards the yellow creatures.

     And red juice splattered the floors...