As I lay on the hill, in the shade of a tree,

A myriad of obscure thoughts truly burdened me:

Why am I here? What's the plural of moose?

Who the heck invented clamato juice?

Then, right in mid-ponder, a blinding light flashed;

Quite close in front of me a disk-shaped craft crashed.

Before I could think, before anything I could say

I noticed a sea of purple people toddling my way.

The one who walked in front, who seemed to lead the less ones,

Put both heads right in my face and let loose with the

questions

"Can you show me photos of the three headed raccoon?

How'd you find those dinosaur bones on the moon?

What exactly do you know of this whole Fergie mess?

Have you ever seen Elvis riding the monster of Loch Ness?

After what seemed an endless ten minutes, well, fifteen maybe,

The little thing said, "Tell us what you know about the 650

pound baby!"

I told it I knew of no such thing, that it just couldn't exist.

At this it eyed me with disdain and violently shook its fist

"No, no!" it said, "I read it here!" and pointed to a newspaper.

I then confessed there was no need to continue on this caper

"You have been reading tabloids. These stories are not valid.

Nobody ever found a nine inch spider in their salad!"

On hearing this the alien looked as though it were hexing me;

Soon afterward its strange expression admitted to perplexity

"You Earthlings certainly puzzle me and my cosmic crew.

You see, on our planet, XR5, the news is always true!"