Bruno was back. Well, she’s gone again now, but she was back. Billions of weasels scurry back into hiding all across the Earth. Echidnas slunk back into their secret underground bunkers. How did this happen?

It was a misty morning, bursts of fog swarming the field. The radiant blue light of the spaceship was cutting through the remnants of darkness. Bruno emerged from the wreck. Bruno, who had been banished. Bruno, Fredrick’s sister.

The weasels knew it was time. It was time to put their plan into action. They swarmed around Bruno, lifting her up into the sky, forming a large weaselly swivel chair.

“Wheeeeeeeee!” Bruno shouted, spinning in circles.

Now, while she’s doing that, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Weasels are actually aliens from Caldwell 38, hence their slender figure, who are plotting world domination. They can blend in perfectly with humans, and have been deceiving them for decades. For example, weasels staged the moon landing.

Bruno and the weasels scamper off to their secret base, located in the sky. You can only get to the base by climbing a ladder of invisible weasels located at Point Nemo. Bruno sat dramatically on her weasels, which were now in the shape of a throne. 

“Boss.” The king weasel said, standing right next to her. “We have a problem.”

“Well, what is it?” Bruno replied, staring forward.

“It’s- It’s-”

“Spit it out.”

“The echidnas.”

An over dramatic alarm started going off and everyone, including Bruno, began running around screaming. They had a right to panic. Now, we all clearly know that echidnas are immortal shapeshifting beings who also long to control the world. The issue in this scenario is that the echidnas have an advantage over the weasels, being super rich from committing identity fraud and stealing bank accounts.

However, the echidnas weren’t quite ready to take over the Earth. On the other hand, they had to cease the weasel’s takeover. The echidna’s prepared for a nuclear war.

Meanwhile, Frederick was arguing against Bob, Fredrick, and the little spider were arguing over whether or not pickled strawberry ice cream bars are the best food in the universe.

“I’m just saying,” Frederick protested, “They’re not that good.”

“This betrayal will not stand!” Fredrick cried, pulling a tape measure out of his pocket. Fredrick proceeded to chuck the tape measure at Frederick, narrowly missing.

“Fredrick, that was pathetic.” Bob said coldly, “Completely and utterly pathetic.” So Fredrick tossed another tape measure at Bob. Before it hit Bob, Fredrick angrily snapped his fingers. Both the tape measures exploded. 

“How the flea did you do that?” The little spider asked.

“Hey!” Fredrick and Bob said in unison.

“Sorry.”

“Anyways,” Fredrick said, “It’s quite simple. Just snap your fingers and any exploding tape measures within 15,953,863,042,851 feet of you will activate.”

“Where did you get those exploding tape measures?” Bob asked, skeptically.

“I stole them from your secret underground villain lab you think I know nothing about.”

“What?”

“What?”

Bob sighed dramatically for what felt like, and probably was, the hundredth time. He then turned to Frederick to continue his rant.

“Anyways, Frederick, scientifically, pickled strawberry ice cream bars are the best food to eat. They are made up of potatoes, strawberries, water, tiger nut milk, dark chocolate, stale waffles, and dried pawpaw fruit. It’s all wrapped in what appears to be chocolate, but tastes like seaweed and soaked in vinegar for seventeen weeks. It is very nutritious and delicious.” Bob stated proudly.

“Ew, what the heck? Why would any of you eat that? Why would I eat that?” Frederick replied, nauseated.

“Because, Frederick, pickled strawberry ice cream bars have all the nutrients any species could ever need. I can’t believe you.” 

“Enough! You’re all idiots. Idiots!” This remark caused Fredrick to whimper, and start full-on crying.

“Fredrick, that’s enough. Grow up and don’t be a baby.” Bob said, exasperated. This only made Fredrick cry more. 

Sniffling, Fredrick summoned a massive tape measure and held it firmly. “Don’t call me a baby.”

“What are you going to do about it... little flea?” Bob taunted. Fredrick was infuriated, so he proceeded to throw the giant tape measure. It hit Bob in the face and broke apart into several normal-sized tape measures, which broke apart into thousands of tiny tape measures, which started to fly around, reaching incredible heights.

“What in the world is going on?” The little spider asked, staring up at the tape measures in either terror or awe. Bob stood up, having been knocked out. 

“Fredrick Randolph Cheese!” Bob yelled. “I’m not upset, I’m just disappointed in you. Cease this madness at once.”

“Ok, if you say so.” Fredrick snapped his fingers. Words cannot describe how loud the sound was. The closest thing I can possibly compare it to is an entire pack of seventh graders returning from lunch.

It was chaos. Craters formed on the Earth’s surface as the measuring tapes exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and exploded, and they exploded.

“Fredrick! Fredrick, Fredrick, fleaing Fredrick!” Bob screamed, outraged and offended and enraged and exasperated and annoyed and resentful and calm and I didn’t mean to hit antonyms and he was just very mad. 

Bob wanted to say more, but the disaster left him speechless. Frederick, the little spider, Fredrick, and Bob all started panicking. Fredrick was in the most distress despite it being him who caused this in the first place.

Suddenly, a huge object fell from the sky, stopping their panicking. Several billion weasels had fallen along with it. Don’t worry, weasel aliens can’t take fall damage. 

“What’s going on?” Frederick asked, dumbfounded.

“Fredrick’s tape measures appeared to have hit a flying weasel base. It’s not too uncommon.” Bob explained.

“They’re your tape measures.” Fredrick protested. “Anyways, last time it was fairy fish, this time it’s weasels.”

“Those fairy fish got what they deserved.” Frederick muttered.

“You’re just jealous.” Fredrick smirked.

“Shut it, Fredrick.”

“Oh weasels!” A voice shouted. “My evil plan has been ruined! My weasels are leaving, my base is destroyed, the technology I have been working on for years is destroyed, my home is destroyed, my life is-”

“Are you done with your monologue yet?” Fredrick asked, boredly bored.

“Weasels!” The voice, Bruno, screamed insanely, pointing at Fredrick. “Attack!” Literally nothing happened. Bruno had lost control.

“Well, that just happened.” Bob said, really not sure what to think.

“We should execute these evil weasels.” Frederick said, coldly.

¨No!” Literally everyone screamed. 

¨Frederick, that’s inhumane.” Fredrick claimed, heroically. That’s when Greenie Beanie showed up.

“As the new king, because I killed Idejb, I hereby pardon these weasels and sentence Bruno to banishment.” Greenie Beanie declared.

“Wait-” Bruno started to say.

“To where?” The little spider asked.

“HD1, she is not allowed within 10 billion light years of Earth.” Greenie Beanie said. Everyone gasped and, before Bruno could say anything, the little spider slapped her to HD1.

“Speaking of banishment,” The little spider began, “How did you return from the post-classical era?”

“I stole Fredrick’s time machine.”

“Evil thievery!” Fredrick yelled.

“You’re such a hypocrite.” Bob sighed, dramatically.

And that was that. With the war forestalled, the echidnas returned to hiding, waiting for a chance to strike. Bruno was banished, again. Greenie Beanie is the new king, and in possession of Fredrick’s time machine. What will happen next?