The suns heat felt good. It‘d been so long since I‘d felt this warm. I could feel the rays bronzing my skin. Closing my eyes, I could almost imagine that my life was perfect. Or my definition of perfect anyways. A job that I loved, plenty of cash, beach front property, beauty and the love of my life. Unfortunately, life wasn’t that way. Not even close. First off, I’m only 19, and I have no idea what kind of job I want. I also don’t have very much money, which means no beach front property and the love of my life died 3 months ago.

Not only had the love of my life, Brett, died but so did my mum, my dad and my little sisters best friend, Emma. It was a freak car accident actually. A sad one, but a freakish one all the same. With them gone, its 19-year old me in charge of taking care of 7-year old sis, Kimmie.
With the thought of Kimmie, I slowly sat up in an up-right position, looking around to see where Kimmie had run off too. You’d think I’d be weirdly over-protective of the closest part of my family I have left, and don’t get me wrong, I am, it’s just, Kimmie is what you would call an “old soul.” She’s extremely independent, and although I do tend to watch over her like a hawk, I know she’s smart enough to not do anything stupid. I trust her more than anything or anyone in the entire world.
I scanned the beach, looking for a little girl with the blondest hair you’ve ever seen. I knew she was wearing mums old white shirt… one I could hardly ever get her to take off. Then I saw her. Laughing and splashing in the water. The waves were calmer today, and current was weak. I watched her for awhile, as she skipped and danced along the shore. I couldn’t help but smile. This fit my imaginary perfect life so well, if Kimmie was this happy all the time, I wouldn’t need beach front property or the love of my life, all I would need was this moment, captured forever.

Almost the moment that thought entered my mind, something went wrong. Seconds previously, Kimmie had been dancing to some imaginary tune in her head. She had stopped, and she was staring up the beach. I turned my head to see what she was so intently staring at. But all I could see was sand and people.
I stood up quickly, having a slight head rush as I did so. I walked over to Kimmie, my heart beating fast. I wanted to run over and hold her tight, but I didn’t want to alarm her. I felt the sand beneath my feet collapse under me weight, the sun beating down on the top of my head, and the eternity it felt before I reached Kimmie.
“Kimmie? Watch’a doing?” I asked with a fake smile plastered on my face.
Kimmie didn’t respond, instead she raised her hand, pointing in the direction she was staring in.
I crept up behind her so my eyes could follow where her finger was pointing. But again, all I saw was sand and people. I could also see the huge oak trees that towered where the sand stopped and the grass started, but that was all.
“ Kimmie, honey, is something wrong?” I said in my sickliest sweetest voice I could manage.
Kimmie finally broke her concentration at whatever she was staring at, and looked up at me with her big, brown eyes. Eyes that usually had nothing but love and warmth, but for some reason, were filled with betrayal. I hoped for everything I loved, that the betrayal wasn’t for me.
“ You told me she left, Nick.” Kimmie whimpered.
“Who left?” I asked, getting more worried by the millisecond.
“Emma.”
“Emma did leave, Kimsy. With Brett, Mummy and Daddy.” I felt I sudden relief in my stomach when Kimmie’s eyes turned into confusion instead of betrayal.
“Then why…” Kimmie started. “Why is Emma standing over there?”
I turned my head back at Kimmie’s pointing finger. Emma? That’s impossible. But I couldn’t help but look. Look for Emma’s long, gorgeous auburn hair, the same colour as her older brother (and love of my life) Brett. Look for her cute little sailor cap that she always wore. Her freckled face and her small button nose. But the harder I looked, the harder it was to see. My eyes began to blur, and the tiniest spark of hope I’d only moments ago felt in my gut faded once more into the black hole of nothing, where I kept my grief for everyone I’d lost tucked away.
But Kimmie didn’t lie. That one thought occupied my brain for only god knows how long. I continued wrestling that thought until I heard Kimmie’s voice somewhere far, far away.
“Nick? Nicky? NICKY!!!” Kimmie yelled, at the top of her lungs. Which, in all honestly, isn’t that loud seeing as how quite her voice is.
But her voice did wake me up, brought me back to the present. With an idea.
“Kimmie, go over to Emma.”
Kimmie looked up at me, curiously. “But Emma left.”
I gulped, scared of what I was telling my baby sister to do. Was this dangerous? Or the greatest gift ever?
“Go see her Kimmie. Go say hello.”
Kimmie nodded. And as she began walking towards what to me, looked like air and sand, I knew she wasn’t lying. Because her eyes didn’t show a lie. They didn’t show the glint of some mischievous prank. They showed something so deep, something I could hardly speak for.
I sat down on the sand, feeling the warmth along my thighs. Kimmie’s walk didn’t show fear, but the nervousness of seeing someone you haven’t seen in a long time. Which, it had been.
3 months ago, had been the best and worst day of my life.
Brett and I were celebrating our 4 year anniversary. We’d been together since I was 15, him 16. We’d taken a walk along this very beach, and watched our favourite movies all day long. That same day he presented me with this beautiful scrapbook, with tons of memories over the past four years. We kissed, hugged and cuddled for hours, before mum and dad came home from their bookstore they own together. Kimmie and Emma had hung out together all day at the bookstore. When we heard the door open, Brett and I untangled ourselves from one another and greeted my parents with a smirk on our face.
My mum rolled eyes as if to say, “We know what you’ve been up too.” but she stayed silent.
My dad was oblivious as usual, and was joking around with Kimmie and Emma.
They stayed for dinner, and with these memories floating in my head, I remember thinking then that this was how life would be forever. To different degrees however. People married people older. But still, with all 6 of us. Oh, how wrong I was.
After dinner that night, Mum offered to drive Brett and Emma home. Which, they graciously accepted. Dad of course wanted to come. When I asked if I could go, Mum decided to pull the “homework” card on me and Kimmie, forcing us to stay home. But Mum and Dad never came home. And Brett and Emma never got to theirs.

I closed my eyes, feeling the greif in the black hole. It was the ultimate pain. I have no doubt that a stab in the gut would hurt less. Tears slowly fell from my eyes, glittering on my cheeks from the sun. I looked up to see Kimmie, hugging something that would appear to be the air.
I smiled, knowing that Kimmie was happier than ever, right now, in this moment of time.
I sighed, wishing that I could see Emma. Kimmie began to laugh and ran down to the ocean water splashing and laughing with Emma.
I sighed a heavy sigh. One filled with not only envy, but sadness. I ambered up to our towels and things, knowing we’d be at the beach for quite awhile longer.

When I reached the blanket I’d carefully layed out a few hours before, a wooden bound scrapbook lay there.
The scrapbook Brett had given me.
My heart beat fast, excitement filling every pore. I sat next to it, flipping through the pages I’d flipped though a million times before, looking for something different. Something new. But I saw nothing.
My excitement began to drain, and disappointment took its place.

I was looking in the last few pages, which were empty. Brett had told me he’d wanted to keep those pages for future memories. I put the scrapbook down, still open to the blank pages.
I could hardly bare to look at them. To me, they were only a reminder of the future that would never happen. I closed my eyes, awaiting the new wave of pain I knew I was going to feel.

With surprise, I opened my eyes. I felt no pain. Instead, this warm sensation prickled across my entire body. Not warm like the sun, but warm like every time I saw Brett. Warm like when I see Kimmie happy. Warm like when I’m remembering my family. Warm like how I felt kissing Brett. Warm. I looked down at the scrap book to see the blank pages, no longer blank. Instead, the pages were filled with beautiful scripted writing. Well, it could have been. Instead it was medium sized, all-caps, boy-ish Brett writing. But it didn’t matter. All that mattered is what it said.

“Nicky-


No matter how I tried to explain this, it would never make sense to you. So live in the moment, and just read what I’m writing. Love is something that you’ll never understand. No one will. We only know the feeling. The love I feel for you. The love Emma has for Kimmie. The love you parents have for you and Kimmie. Notice how that’s all in present tense. Love never dies Nicky. Remember that. As long so you have some one to die for. Something to love, you’ll never truly die. We’ll meet again Nicky. You’ll see Emma; you’ll see your parents. I have no doubt about it. I’ll always love you, Brett.”


I read the passage a thousand times. Brett loved me. Love didn’t die. I’d get to see my parents again. Kimmie playing with her dead best friend. I knew my black hole was gone, and was filled with love. Because, as Brett said, Love Never Dies.