I open my eyes to a sight that is very hard for me to explain. I first see a group of men, but I watch as another man comes in and gets into a kung-fu stance. At first I am very skeptical and think I’m dreaming, but thirty seconds later, after a kung-fu master is walking towards me, leaving a group of stunned men disabled on the ground, I start to realize that I am about to be sucked into a crazy ride.


Before I even realize my wrists and ankles are bound, my bonds have been sliced and I am free, without being ever imprisoned. All I remember is taking a lunch break and going across the street from my office, only to have a group of large men all in black ski masks grab me and shove me in a van. I started to yell and then I felt a large object strike me in the back of my head, and the world faded in to black.


Now I am in what looks to be a cave with damp walls and a small mouth that opens wider and wider until it reaches human size. The next thing I realize is a tall man with cold eyes, who I identify as my savior, walking away.


“Thank you sir, you saved my life, how can I repay you?” I ask, almost yelling at his receding backside.


“No thanks is needed, I did what I had to do to save the One Who is The One,” the master says without turning, though he has the humility to stop.


“What are you talking about sir?” I ask quizzically.


“The One Who is The One will bring peace and happiness to the world, I was told by a seer to come to this exact spot and help who I find, no matter what cost,” He answers, still refusing to turn his back.


“I am not this one who is the one or whatever your talking about!”I say with force in my voice.


“Your are not the one who is the one, you are the One Who is The One!” He says, without a hint of humor in his steady voice.


“Sir, I don’t want to have this argument, I am tired and I am very hungry, I wish to get home to my wife, and my beautiful, blossoming kids!” I say as I start to get angry.


“You are the One Who is The One!” He says, and finally has the grace to turn around and look me dead in the eye.


At this point, I realize just how tall he is as he looms almost a foot over my 6’1 height. I realize that if I want to get home alive and not karate-chopped, that I must make amends for yelling.


“Sir, I apologize for my behavior, but I believe you are mistaken, I am not your One Who is The One,” I say in the most apologetic tone I can muster.

“You are the One Who is The One!” He yells so loudly that I can almost feel the cavern shaking.


“No I’m no-,” I start to say when suddenly I feel a rough callused hand cover my mouth and I hear a sword being unsheathed. “Swords, really swords, what is this the 14th century?” I say with a guffaw until I feel the sharp blade against my neck.


Suddenly the hand is lifted free and the sword is dropped as my savior once again, saves me. The man on my back is suddenly lifted off the ground by seemingly a magical force and lifted up, higher and higher, and finally out of a hole in the top of the cave.


Suddenly, blood starts pouring out of my saviors chest as I witness a sword being lunged into the center of his back. I don’t even notice how the sword never went through. He falls forward and I see the man grinning wickedly. He steps over the body of my savior and walks up to me. I back away, but straight into the arms of the men, who are now all fully awakened after their trip down kung-fu lane.

I scream when suddenly, Ryan Seacrest jumps out from behind a rock. “You’ve just been Bamboozled!” He says with a laugh. Then I look around and see my ninja savior standing up and wiping the “blood” off his chest. The man that was lifted by a magical force up and way is lowered down and I notice the almost invisible movie strings that hoisted him into the air. Worst of all, I start to notice all the cameras and I realize that all my reactions have been on camera.

I suddenly go berserk, I don’t know why, I guess its because I don’t like surprises but let me tell you, Ryan Seacrest does not enjoy taking the butt of a plastic sword straight in the face.