There are white clouds everywhere and I feel light. Like nothing is keeping me on the ground. Which probably explains why my feet aren't touching anything as I look down. Where am I? Where is she?! Is what comes to mind. But as I think harder and look around, I now realize what's happening. I'm dead.

My night started like any other. I was bored so I grabbed my car keys and my cell and started down the drive way. I got in my car and called my best friend. We decided to hang out that night and just go driving around. I went to pick her up around 5:30 p.m.. It was November so it was already getting dark outside. There's a mountain road we had to drive on to get back to our town. That's where it all happened.

It came out of nowhere. No sound, just the quietness of the woods, the tires on the cement, and our laughter. We were listening to music and just talking and laughing when Bang! the SUV struck us bumper to bumper . Suddenly, I grasped her hand so hard and let out a silent scream as I looked into her unforgettable eyes for the last time while she stared at me with tears rolling down her face.

The last face, the last laugh, the smile, the touch, the eyes. It was all with the person I'm looking down at right now. My one true best friend, the one I would have willingly given anything for, the one I promised everything to, was now in the ICU. I promised I would never do anything to hurt her. And now she's in there, without me, because of me. I'm hoping and praying she's not in pain. I wish this never happened. I blame myself for everything. I should've been more careful; eyes more often on the road. Why did this have to happen? She was the one person I tried so hard to protect.

I just broke every promise that I have ever made her. Here I am, the only pain is the emotional kind that feels like all your insides are being ripped apart. She's the one that's going to have to go through the physical and emotional pain. I hated even seeing her shed a single tear. How am I going to handle seeing her fall apart without me being there? To hold her close and tell her everything will be okay? To take her hand and rock her and just let her take everything out. I need to be there.


I can't be dead. I need her and she needs me. I have to get down there and I will do everything in my power to do it. So I close my eyes and wish. I wish as hard as I can. I wish for my feet to walk down the imaginary stairs that leads me in her room. When I open my eyes, I take in a gulp of air and I can't believe it. I'm standing at the foot of her bed looking at her tender face and tears start to roll down my face.

I walk over next to the bed and sit in the hard plastic chair. Taking her hand in mine, it almost sends chills up my spine. I can actually feel objects. The stories never tell you that angels can actually feel things. But I'm holding her cold hands. For as long as I've known her, she was always the half that had the warm hands. Now, they were the coldest I've ever felt. I stare at all the tubes and bandages and I let out a sob. I can't believe I did this to her. I wasn't supposed to be the one that hurt her. I'm the one whose job was to protect her. I hold on to her tight. I'm not letting go this time.

Suddenly, a handful of nurses rush into the room, but I don't stay to stare at them. I stay for her. And only her.