I walked home from school; it was rather cold for October. The weather had been fairly below average that week. My coat was too thin, and my fingers were numb. My cheeks and nose were flushed red. The wind kept blowing hard, my feet moved forward at a steady pace. Eventually, I had reached the edge of my driveway; I looked up towards my house, and saw him standing there.

I’ve always frowned upon the people who say high-school relationships can never amount up to love. Colin is the boy that has proved them wrong. Our love is so pure; our bond has grown stronger since day one. Every time I see him, I get a sick feeling in my gut. It’s not really a bad feeling, just a feeling where I get over self-conscious, and nervous, and my words seem to roll off my tongue. Colin understands how I feel though, probably more than any boy ever could. I continued to walk up my driveway, and glanced at his perfect face, as he flashed his crooked smile.

I opened the cold wooden doors to my southern Victorian-style house. I smelt the familiar aroma of the place I’ve called my home for many years. The smell was always enjoyable, something I always looked forward too when I would return home. As I inhaled he kissed me softly on my cheek. His dark eyes stared into mine, and I felt helpless. I could never amount up to him; he was the ideal description of “perfect”. It seemed he was from a utopia where perfect grades, perfect personalities, and perfect looks were just the simplicities of the average person. Colin wasn’t from a utopia though, he was here with me, and that’s all I could ever ask for.

I was thrilled to see him, since we didn’t go to the same school; I missed him during the day. Though, he left fairly early, he did not want to encounter another argument with my dad. Colin usually fled my house before five o’clock. My dad and him did not get along so well, mainly because my dads an egotistical over protective maniac. I still saw Colin today, so what did it matter? Our goodbye consisted of his usual comforting, yet embracing hug. His cold lips kissed my forehead, shivers ran down my spine. He looked down and me, with gentle eyes and exclaimed, “Callie, I love you. There will never be another girl for me, our love is special.” He grabbed his backpack, flashed his crooked smile and walked out of my house. I watched him through the widow, walking alone with his ipod in hand. He was right, our love was special, but he vanished down the road.

The phone rang, it was eleven that night. The caller ID showed that it was Colin who was calling. My dad traced all my calls, but lucky for me, he was out late, probably at some bar with his friends, drinking and watching old football or hockey videos. I picked up the phone, “hello?” I said. “Callie, we need to talk, meet me at the back parking lot of your school at midnight. You have one hour”, his line disconnected. I tried calling him back; it went straight to his voicemail. After getting frustrated for fifteen minutes, his voicemail was the only thing I heard. I debated on going, mom was sleeping, and dad was out. No one would know I snuck out…would they? I decided I was going, Colin was worth it. I’d give anything to see him whenever I had the chance. I didn’t want to wait at the school for forever, in the cold, so I waited in my house as the minutes passed. The longest minutes of my life. Eleven thirty, eleven forty five, I couldn’t handle the wait. I climbed out of my window, zipped up my jacket, and started running down the dark road to my school. Running was the worst idea; I felt blood run up my throat as I panted hard. I hated this, running and thinking about Colin, why did he need to see me tonight, why at midnight, why is he risking getting us both into trouble. I’m sure his Catholic, well raised parents would definitely not approve of this. Almost there, I saw the lighting in the parking lot shine. The school looked like a ghost-town. I ran faster, running over a speed bump, I tripped. I got right up and continued to run, noticing a cut in my jeans, and a warm liquid running down my leg. The back parking lot, it was a ghost town. I hear a rustling in some bushes and that was all. It was too dark where I was standing to really see anything. I looked towards the woods and see a figure, a figure of Colin.

He appeared to be standing alone. I edged closer to his dark figure. Tears were running down his face, for the year I have been with him, I have never seen him cry. Another figure was behind him, a much larger figure. It was my dad. “Tell her!” My dad shouted at Colin. “Tell her NOW!” Colin cried harder hearing my dad’s request. I became confused, I felt dizzy. I was spinning, but standing still. I began to cry. Colin mumbled something…I couldn’t make out what he was saying; his tears were running into his mouth. “I do not love you anymore Callie, there is another girl for me, our love is done” he exclaimed.

I stood there frozen. I couldn’t speak; I felt the blood rush up my throat from when I was running. No blood came out of my mouth though. Seconds seemed like hours as I couldn’t speak. Hot tears rand down my face; I was too frozen to wipe them as one ran down my nose. Colin kept crying. My dad had grabbed him. “TELL HER THE REST!” my dad shouted. Colin’s tears poured out of his eyes, he was shaking. “I have to go, I have to leave here. I’m moving to Montana with my family”. Still, nothing came out of my mouth. My dad pushed him to the ground, Colin still sobbing. My dad walked towards the woods, his shadow gone. “Callie”, Colin whimpered. “You left one of your coat at my house, it’s with Jen now. Go get your jacket, I have to go, your dads still in our presence.” Out of all the things he wants me to do besides cry at the moment; it’s for me to get a jacket? NO! All I wanted to do was cry. He didn’t want me anymore; he had been leading me on. I looked down at him for the last time. My blood boiled with anger. Then I was running again.

Colin’s family left that Monday to move to Montana, without my goodbyes. All that week I was emotionless. I didn’t go to school; I sat in my room and sobbed, everything around me seemed to remind me of Colin. Looking out windows was the worst thing to do in my condition, the sun reflected through my window, making my face warm. Everything looked so happy outside, so why was I so broken sitting in my room? Crossword puzzles became my only interest, within one week’s time I had finished almost two hundred crossword puzzles. I knew I was pathetic when I started working on my two hundred and fourth crossword puzzle. The word “Alpha” was making me frustrated; it seemed I had been looking for it for a while. The doorbell rang.

Jen’s bright face greeted me as I opened the door. I was in no mood to pretend that everything was alright. I didn’t offer her to come inside; I made her stand at the doorstep. She handed me my jacket and didn’t say much, all she really said that caught my attention was, “Colin told me to give this too you, he wrote you something and left it in the pocket”. Jen breezed over rumors that were happening throughout the school, what homework I missed, and I got so frustrated, I slammed the door on her. No more Jen today. I took the coat up in my room, and searched the pockets. Notebook paper. This is why Colin wanted me to get my jacket so bad? NOTEBOOK PAPER! I unfolded the notebook paper, and stared at it in shock.

The writing was such fine print, almost a perfect cursive. The note was from Colin, I didn’t actually read it until I stopped gazing at his signature. I focused back to the top of the page it read,
“My Dearest Callie,
I know this has been confusing; it’s been confusing for me also. Everything I say to you tonight is only because your dad made me. I tell you everyday how much I care about you, and how much our love is special. It hurt me to tell you those things tonight. None of them were actually meaningful. Yes, it is true that I am moving to Montana. I still will love you, we are not over. My cell will be on, call me right when you read this. I’m so sorry for everything. Montana isn’t too far from Idaho; I can drive down to see you on weekends, its only one hundred miles. I LOVE YOU CALLIE. Call me as soon as you read this.

Our Love is special
-Colin”

I just stared at the paper. I was in shock, my dad betrays me, and Colin still loves me. This was all coming together in little pieces. I felt happy. I ran downstairs to show my mom the letter, she’s the only one that’s supported me through the rough time I’ve had. My mom was sitting still at the dinner table. Her bony face was pale, her lips were pursed together, she was crying. A newspaper was sitting in front of her. She looked up at me, she began to cry harder. The smile was wiped off of my face, I hated seeing my mom cry, this must have been important. I put the note back in my pocket, intentions ran through my body to comfort her. I moved a bottle of Sprite away from me, as I sat down beside her at the table. She pointed to the news paper. On the front page, was an image, one I whished I never could have viewed.

The picture was of Colin’s family. It obviously must have been an older picture, because Colin had way to short of hair in the picture for it to be present-day. He was smiling my favorite crooked smile, standing next to his sister Amara, his mom and dad standing behind them. The small caption underneath the photo read
“Cook family killed in tragic car accident, No survivors found. Witnesses say that the head-on collision was heard from miles away. The unwise actions of Tom Moyer (of Boise) drinking and driving has killed this family of four.”
Then this quote was written under the caption,
“The Blinding Light, ahead we see hope
Reaching out to the place we want to be
Forever and always.”
In Loving memory of: Tracy, Anita, Colin, and Amara Cook.


I couldn’t move. Colin still loved me. This cant be happening, is there another note for me somewhere saying that the newspapers are wrong, that he’s not dead? No. I took the newspaper into my room, out of my mom’s sight. I was crying harder and harder. I could taste my tears. I spun around screaming. Cries, my cries echoed throughout my silent house. My body was shaking, I fell onto the floor. I laid there for only moments, until I got up and ran downstairs. I walked into my dads hunting room. I was crying harder and harder, choking on my spit. My tears stopped as I pulled out my dad’s gun case. The black gun was apparently loaded. The cold feeling of it made me shake. I placed the gun up to my forehead, where Colin had last kissed me. I trembled, and then whispered “our love was special”. I pulled the trigger; I floated to the utopia where Colin and I would be forever. Our love was to be forever.